Okay, so to dispel any misgivings brought on by that headline, I am not pregnant, nor do I have active plans to have a kid any time soon. Like, probably not for another ten years or so. But I am the kind of person who needs to over-prepare for everything. I show up at the … Continue reading Twelve Horrifically Pretentious Baby Names I Am Considering and My Rationale for Each One
THE FULL SCREENPLAY About two hours into a very long car ride to see Tegan and Sara in Portland, Maine, and one hour into the High School Musical 3 soundtrack, I turn to my friend Sam and say, "You know, when you think about it, Troy's struggle in the first movie is really emblematic of … Continue reading HTB (Helen “Troy” Bolton), or High School Lesbian Musical
She asks you if you’d like something to eat. You say you want an olive. She says you two don’t have any olives in the house because she didn’t know you liked them. You pause. You tell her you’ve always liked olives.
Scenes from Pygmalion; scenes from My Fair Lady; a lot of lines that are paraphrased; some lines that are literally copy-pasted from the works of George Bernard Shaw. PICKERING: i came from india to meet you! HIGGINS: i was going to india to meet you! PICKERING: omg! HIGGINS: i live at 27a wimpole street if … Continue reading Two Linguists Invent Eliza Doolittle
Culture writer Ira Madison III, also known as @ira on Twitter, has become famous for a simple catchphrase: keep it. It's ruthless, efficient, lethal. If Ira ever looked at something I made and told me to keep it, I believe that my bones would disintegrate into ash. Keep it is a lifestyle. Keep it is a fundamental right and an earned … Continue reading A Comprehensive List of All 160 Things Ira Madison III Has Said “Keep It” About
From: Peyton <peyton@the-niche.blog> To: Funko Pop! Prototype Development <production@funko.com> Subject: Niche Funko Pop Line Suggestions - FINAL Hi Sandra, Hope this note finds you well! My apologies for taking so long to get back to you - it's been a WILD month here at the Niche. We just last week had the chance to sit down with all … Continue reading Some Suggestions for the First-Ever Niche Funko Pop Line
You may be surprised but there are NOT as many clock and candlestick representations in pop culture as one would hope. This is a shame because time-keeping objects are always good symbolism and they are even better when paired with tall showy companions, as I think you will realize in a minute. 1. Cogsworth and … Continue reading Steady Time-Keepers and Their Tall-ish Pretentious Companions in Pop Culture
Every clickbait article I've written and that I haven't written and that anyone has ever written has one conceit that the writer relies on for the entirety of the article. Usually, that punchline can be summed up in a few sentences. This article does exactly that. 1. Every Year the Shamrock Shake Grows Greener and I … Continue reading Five Clickbait Articles I Never Wrote and Their Punchlines Revealed
I don't know much but I do know these cartoons don't exist beyond the deeply vivid and psychologically troubling impressions that they can evoke at the mere mention of their name. Yes ,there are the good childhood shows like The Powerpuff Girls and Scooby Doo. Then there are these ones. The ones I couldn't tell you the … Continue reading Childhood Cartoons I Only Remember In Terms of the Intensely Vivid Feelings I Associate With Them
Education is a lifelong process, and daily learning the sole defense against the mental degeneration which lurks around every bend. So when you learn that fresh blood can act as a suitable egg substitute…well, you really have to lean into that information. *** Personally, I’ve never eaten straight-up blood. My culinary habits lean toward the adventurous … Continue reading 3 Classic Egg Recipes Except with Blood Now
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