If you asked me three months ago, in a pre-quarantine life, what my coping strategies would look like come the quasi-apocalypse, I would have lied so hard. “If this is really and truly it,” I joked in the blessed early days, “I’m shaving my head, getting approximately one million stick-and-poke tattoos, and riding a motorcycle … Continue reading Three Things My Sourdough Starter Taught Me About My Attachment Style
The first red flag was printed on the label, three words, tucked small in the bottom right: frozen dairy dessert. I was standing in the ice cream aisle at Loblaw's, and I saw those three words, and I thought, "Huh, that must mean Halo Top doesn't meet the Canadian Food Inspection Agency's legal definition of 'ice … Continue reading Halo Top is a Scam
A note: the Stuart Little depicted in this work of fiction is derived from E.B White's 1945 novel of the same name, and, in this short work of fiction, is depicted as an old man. Remy and Despereaux are approximately the same age, working from the assumption that since Tale of Despereaux was published in … Continue reading Three of Them: A Short Gay Socialite Theater Piece concerning Remy, Despereaux, and Stuart Little
So I think it may help us some to start off by defining what, precisely, constitutes a Depression Meal. To that end, the Depression Meal Tumblr offers us some suggestions: Half a granola bar your friend forced you to eat and some salt Nachos with kraft dinner on them A waffle that had been sitting … Continue reading Step Up Your Depression Meal Game with Marcella Hazan Tomato Sauce
Last night, months after the rest of you gays, I finally watched Phantom Thread and let me tell you it had everything I was promised; painful levels of repression, sub-textual pegging realized via poison, Daniel Day-Lewis's sexy fucked up thumbs, Vicky Krieps being iconic in every single shot. I'm in love. It was also definitely … Continue reading Phantom Thread (2017 dir. Paul Thomas Anderson) is a Rom-Com: A Scientific Proof
From açaí to charcoal, quinoa to kale, we've all watched innumerable superfoods come and go. With the new year fast approaching, it's time to peer into the crystal ball, consult the cards, and pull something out of our collective ass to meet our court-ordered listicle quota. And so, we bring you the next five superfoods of … Continue reading Predicting the Superfood Trends of 2018
Here are seven different cakes with the words "Robert Pope Leonard" written on them, ranked from most to least cosmically powerful. 7. Harry went to the trouble of buying a cake, purchasing icing, obtaining piping tools, and writing ROBERT POPE LEONARD by hand in hot pink on this cake, but then couldn't be fucked to … Continue reading We Wrote “Robert Pope Leonard” on Seven Different Cakes. What Happened Next Will Warm Your Heart.
Every clickbait article I've written and that I haven't written and that anyone has ever written has one conceit that the writer relies on for the entirety of the article. Usually, that punchline can be summed up in a few sentences. This article does exactly that. 1. Every Year the Shamrock Shake Grows Greener and I … Continue reading Five Clickbait Articles I Never Wrote and Their Punchlines Revealed
Despite the radio silence, we've actually been reading tonight! A few meaty pieces for your evening, plus one worthwhile video: On the long history of a San Antonio subculture: Over time, the gowns have become symbols of the dream of wealth and exclusivity. “It’s like a grown-up fairytale,” explained Ellen Maverick Dickson, a former princess … Continue reading What We’re Reading at 1AM
Education is a lifelong process, and daily learning the sole defense against the mental degeneration which lurks around every bend. So when you learn that fresh blood can act as a suitable egg substitute…well, you really have to lean into that information. *** Personally, I’ve never eaten straight-up blood. My culinary habits lean toward the adventurous … Continue reading 3 Classic Egg Recipes Except with Blood Now
The Niche 