Logging outGoing to bed at the same time every nightWaking up at the same time every morningAnalTaking three Effexor tablets instead of twoTaking Effexor two hours before bedtime instead of first thing in the morningDoordashing three pasta entrees and two slices of cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory and being like, “This will be enough to … Continue reading All 50 Things I’ve Tried to Get Out of My Latest Depressive Episode, Ranked in Order of Efficacy
I've set the header image on this post to Thomas the Tank Engine, as he is the most culturally iconic Thomas I can presently think of. Let's roll. 8. Andrew Peyton Thomas Andrew Peyton Thomas is not even a true Peyton Thomas, but when you search "peyton thomas author" on Google, he pops up quite … Continue reading Peyton Thomases, Ranked
In a dream you saw a way to give birth to a premature baby on an airplane, and after a harrowing, hours-long labour, during which it looked at many times like the baby might not survive, you finally named the healthy newborn Ronan Farrow, and you were full of joy. In a dream you saw … Continue reading That One Jenny Holzer Truism About Dreams But It’s Now About My Own Weird Quarantine Dreams
Let’s cut to the chase: positivity is necessary to survive tough times with grace and sobriety. Little wonder that the phrase #GoodVibesOnly has earned its own hashtag on social media. But now is the time to be realistic instead of blindly optimistic. The coronavirus pandemic isn’t going away anytime soon, and turning a blind eye … Continue reading Six Things You Can Do to Help People Survive the Coronavirus, None of Which Involve Singing “Imagine” From the Comfort of Your Mansion
There are two types of gays in this world: Cat Gays, and Dog Gays. Some people believe in a third category, Plant Gays, but those people are wrong and should be shunned. Now, as a bisexual woman, I get to enjoy both cats and dogs. But since I’m actively involved in the rescuing and re-homing … Continue reading Astrology for Cats
In the wake of the horrifying leak of a memo revealing that the U.S. Federal Government plans to re-interpret Title IX of the 1964 Civil Rights Act to explicitly prevent trans people from being able to sue their schools and healthcare providers for discrimination, not to mention the appointment of anti-gay lawyer Eric Dreiband to lead the … Continue reading If All You Cisgenders Are So Concerned About the “Erasure” of My “Identity,” Then Why Don’t You Go Ahead and Read This Fucking Essay About Little Shop of Horrors
Rough time to be alive, huh? I'm writing this on October 7, 2018; Brett Kavanaugh was sworn in yesterday, Brazil looks to be electing a fascist today, and earlier this afternoon, I was lying in bed, ill, and I heard a sick screech of metal on metal, and I stumbled woozily over to my window … Continue reading How to Do a Three-Step Anxiety Inventory and Stop Feeling Like Your Brain is On Fire
Hey, Nichers! Can you believe we're more than halfway through the year? Neither can I! Here's how I'm coping with summertime malaise, and you can, too! Joining A Yoga Studio Like Some Rich-Ass Soccer Mom So I have this thing where I, like, never exercise. Like, never, ever, ever. I was momentarily kind of a … Continue reading Nine Healthy Coping Mechanisms to Get You Through This Hell Month
First off: if you haven't watched the video already, I'll ask you to join the 5.12 million who have done so before you read any further. https://twitter.com/tourdetruce/status/923543590650990594 So I saw Lorde last night, playing a sold-out show for 20,000 people. I had nosebleeds -- or, rather, one singular nosebleed, adjacent to a very sweet, soft-spoken … Continue reading Ode to Emmy Hartman, The Girl Who Filmed Her Own Emotional Breakdown Over A Traffic Ticket
1. the tattoos say "I'm a sensitive tough boy with a troubled past" but the eyebrows say "I know I'm pulling off this outfit that would make you look like a 13 year old girl at a fall out boy concert and I'm smug about it" 2. the mohair sweater.....the feathered hair....the earrings?? how are you … Continue reading Five Topman Models Who Make Me Feel Inadequately Androgynous
The Niche 