Dear [Your Representative's Name Here], My name is [Your Name], and I am a constituent of your district, [Congressional District]. I am writing to express my concerns about the future of the Supreme Court of the United States. Earlier this year, the Court issued a number of distressing opinions. They ruled to uphold a Republican redistricting … Continue reading Let’s Ask Congress to Replace All the Republican Supreme Court Justices With the Little Cartoon Animals From Night in the Woods
A note: the Stuart Little depicted in this work of fiction is derived from E.B White's 1945 novel of the same name, and, in this short work of fiction, is depicted as an old man. Remy and Despereaux are approximately the same age, working from the assumption that since Tale of Despereaux was published in … Continue reading Three of Them: A Short Gay Socialite Theater Piece concerning Remy, Despereaux, and Stuart Little
It's 3 AM here. I have many things to do but decided to record a stray thought on my Notes app as though I am someone who does that. The following, lightly edited, potential Niche article titles were the only comprehensible entries I had in my notes: -Niche Quiz: If the different Niche interests were … Continue reading I Opened My iPhone Notes at 3 AM and All I Found Was a List of Year-Old Harry Potter-Themed Post Ideas Next to an Entry that Just Said “Salami Trucks”
First off: if you haven't watched the video already, I'll ask you to join the 5.12 million who have done so before you read any further. https://twitter.com/tourdetruce/status/923543590650990594 So I saw Lorde last night, playing a sold-out show for 20,000 people. I had nosebleeds -- or, rather, one singular nosebleed, adjacent to a very sweet, soft-spoken … Continue reading Ode to Emmy Hartman, The Girl Who Filmed Her Own Emotional Breakdown Over A Traffic Ticket
You guys know that one Death Grips song, I've Seen Footage? The banger to end all bangers? You know how in the intro it really sounds like MC Ride is saying "I stay niche," but it's kind of difficult to make it out, and you're like, "Okay, he can't actually be saying 'I stay niche,' there's no … Continue reading I Thought I Was Hearing Him Wrong But It Turns Out MC Ride Really is Saying “I Stay Niche” in That One Death Grips Song
Pack it in, folks— this is the Ultimate Niche Post. We've had a good run, but it's over now.
To borrow a phrase from our greatest inspiration, the internet is a rich tapestry. If you're like me, you were raised on the internet, and you've been stumbling into strange, shadowy corners of the web since you were old enough to talk. Sometimes, Weird Internet is great. Some of my fondest childhood memories involve whole … Continue reading A Niche Interview with the Author of the Zootopia Abortion Comic
Okay, so to dispel any misgivings brought on by that headline, I am not pregnant, nor do I have active plans to have a kid any time soon. Like, probably not for another ten years or so. But I am the kind of person who needs to over-prepare for everything. I show up at the … Continue reading Twelve Horrifically Pretentious Baby Names I Am Considering and My Rationale for Each One
THE FULL SCREENPLAY About two hours into a very long car ride to see Tegan and Sara in Portland, Maine, and one hour into the High School Musical 3 soundtrack, I turn to my friend Sam and say, "You know, when you think about it, Troy's struggle in the first movie is really emblematic of … Continue reading HTB (Helen “Troy” Bolton), or High School Lesbian Musical
She asks you if you’d like something to eat. You say you want an olive. She says you two don’t have any olives in the house because she didn’t know you liked them. You pause. You tell her you’ve always liked olives.