Jonathan Franzen: the man, the myth, the guy whom I thought I saw emerge from a men's room at the L.A. Times Book Festival, but since I wasn't wearing my glasses, I couldn't really be sure; my only clues were silver hair and glasses and something he'd said to someone else about "the kids," and … Continue reading Has Jonathan Franzen Ever Said Anything About Trans People? A 3:46 AM Investigation
In a dream you saw a way to give birth to a premature baby on an airplane, and after a harrowing, hours-long labour, during which it looked at many times like the baby might not survive, you finally named the healthy newborn Ronan Farrow, and you were full of joy. In a dream you saw … Continue reading That One Jenny Holzer Truism About Dreams But It’s Now About My Own Weird Quarantine Dreams
There are two types of gays in this world: Cat Gays, and Dog Gays. Some people believe in a third category, Plant Gays, but those people are wrong and should be shunned. Now, as a bisexual woman, I get to enjoy both cats and dogs. But since I’m actively involved in the rescuing and re-homing … Continue reading Astrology for Cats
Because I attend a deeply fake school, I’ve spent much of the fall studying the concept of Camp. The traditional canon of Camp is based heavily in a London and New York sensibility, locating itself in relation to the LGBT communities in these cities. I, however, am a stubborn asshole who loves the Pacific Northwest. … Continue reading Fuck an Umbrella: Notes Towards a Canon of Pacific Northwest Camp
Dear [Your Representative's Name Here], My name is [Your Name], and I am a constituent of your district, [Congressional District]. I am writing to express my concerns about the future of the Supreme Court of the United States. Earlier this year, the Court issued a number of distressing opinions. They ruled to uphold a Republican redistricting … Continue reading Let’s Ask Congress to Replace All the Republican Supreme Court Justices With the Little Cartoon Animals From Night in the Woods
A note: the Stuart Little depicted in this work of fiction is derived from E.B White's 1945 novel of the same name, and, in this short work of fiction, is depicted as an old man. Remy and Despereaux are approximately the same age, working from the assumption that since Tale of Despereaux was published in … Continue reading Three of Them: A Short Gay Socialite Theater Piece concerning Remy, Despereaux, and Stuart Little
It's 3 AM here. I have many things to do but decided to record a stray thought on my Notes app as though I am someone who does that. The following, lightly edited, potential Niche article titles were the only comprehensible entries I had in my notes: -Niche Quiz: If the different Niche interests were … Continue reading I Opened My iPhone Notes at 3 AM and All I Found Was a List of Year-Old Harry Potter-Themed Post Ideas Next to an Entry that Just Said “Salami Trucks”
First off: if you haven't watched the video already, I'll ask you to join the 5.12 million who have done so before you read any further. https://twitter.com/tourdetruce/status/923543590650990594 So I saw Lorde last night, playing a sold-out show for 20,000 people. I had nosebleeds -- or, rather, one singular nosebleed, adjacent to a very sweet, soft-spoken … Continue reading Ode to Emmy Hartman, The Girl Who Filmed Her Own Emotional Breakdown Over A Traffic Ticket
You guys know that one Death Grips song, I've Seen Footage? The banger to end all bangers? You know how in the intro it really sounds like MC Ride is saying "I stay niche," but it's kind of difficult to make it out, and you're like, "Okay, he can't actually be saying 'I stay niche,' there's no … Continue reading I Thought I Was Hearing Him Wrong But It Turns Out MC Ride Really is Saying “I Stay Niche” in That One Death Grips Song
Pack it in, folks— this is the Ultimate Niche Post. We've had a good run, but it's over now.
The Niche 