If you’re like us and have recently spent a lot of time regressing to childhood to escape the panic, stress, and uncertainty that come with living through a global pandemic, shift towards fascism, economic disaster, continued anti-Black racism, and police brutality, then WOW, were you probably excited about the new Netflix adaptation of The Baby-Sitters Club!!
It is INCREDIBLE! Strong, ambitious females!? Barricade construction?! Trans rights?! Gay parents?! Sign me up! These young women are so much more than how they look, but also DAMN IF THEY AREN’T THE MOST STYLISH 14 YEAR OLDS EVER! Our (totally age appropriate) obsession with the Baby-Sitters Club reboot led us to this BuzzFeed article from 2014 which attempted to rank the outfits on all 131 of the original book covers. Well. Let us just say. This article has NOT aged well!
The author, while well intentioned, does not understand the elegant functionality of tomboy Kristy’s massive sweaters and endless turtlenecks. She does not appreciate activist Dawn’s high waisted mom jeans and bold denim on denim looks. She fails to acknowledge the campy glamour headstrong Abby brings to her every appearance. That is to say, this article does not celebrate the QUEER AESTHETIC flowing proud and strong throughout these covers!! Ann M. Martin, author of the books, is herself a queer woman and while the series was never explicitly gay, it’s still pretty objectively gay! (Don’t @ us on that)! We simply had to right what was wrong. We had to rank all 131 covers by gayness!
Who are we, you may ask, to undertake such an important, urgent task? We are three sisters: Abbie, Rachael, and Rose. We are all queer, each former (and sometimes current — hire me!) baby-sitters, and fashion icons in our own right. Together we perfectly(ish) encapsulate a decent range of the wlw fashion spectrum. Abbie loves all things femme as evidenced by her seven silky nightgowns and robes. Rose works in construction, so naturally, she’s our fave butch. And Rachael, like a good middle child (though only by 16 minutes to twin sister Rose) sits in the middle with some fierce futch fashion.
For this ranking we tried to focus on the title character’s outfit but we did occasionally factor in elements of the plot or other aspects of the cover.
This project was NOT EASY! Did we have moral qualms about imposing sexual orientations onto middle schoolers? Yes! Did we have trouble not giving all the top spots to teen trendsetter Claudia Kishi and living lesbian stereotype Kristy Thomas? Yes! Did we have a hard time giving any cover a low ranking cause they’re all just SO INCREDIBLY GAY? YES! But we did it for you, dear reader. We did it for the undeniable queerness of Claudia, Abby, Mary Anne, Stacey, Dawn, Kristy, Jessi, and Mallory. We did it for justice and pride and acceptance and love. But most of all, we did it because we are very bored.
131. Kristy’s Big Day
Not only does this book take place at a straight wedding, but that yellow monstrosity is just so not Kristy. Can’t you imagine her at her mom’s wedding in a Wildfang suit? We know her rich stepfather Watson could have afforded it! She deserved better!
130. Little Miss Stoneybrook…and Dawn
Given that this is a Dawn book we should really be judging her, but she’s mostly hidden. Instead we will have to judge the overall concept: child pageants? I think not.
129. Mary Anne and the Great Romance
We do not condone celebrations of state sanctioned heteronormativity.
128. Kristy and the Baby Parade
“Problems develop after Kristy decides to enter the biennial Stoneybrook Baby Parade.” Biennial Stoneybrook Baby Parade? I don’t know what is more outlandish, that there is a biennial Stoneybrook Baby Parade, or that Kristy would appear in it dressed as Little House on the Prairie meets Little Old Lady Who Lived in a Shoe.
127. The Secret Life of Mary Anne Spier
In this cover Mary Anne is all “don’t let them in, don’t let them see, be the good girl you always have to be!” But we’re Jewish. Nothing queer about Christian hegemony.
126. Dawn’s Family Feud
This shot makes all of them look like they’re posing for some sort of Republican traditional family values propaganda poster. Not. Gay.
125. Get Well Soon, Mallory!
How much should we really be judging poor Mallory in her moment of need? Riddled with mono and forced to take time off from school, activities, and worst of all, the beloved Baby-Sitters club!! Further down this list, a similarly bed-bound Claudia rocks a hospital gown, but we can’t fault Mallory for not rising to Claudia’s level. None of us can!
Totally unrelated, but in her Dear Reader letter about this book, Ann M. Martin says she didn’t miss school until the end of sixth grade when she fell out of a tree, ruptured her spleen, and had to have it removed. Anyway, that story is way cooler than Mallory’s outfit. Get well soon, Mallory, so you can get back to turning (gay) looks!!
124. Mary Anne and Too Many Boys
Too many boys indeed.
123. Claudia and the First Thanksgiving
Ok, we’ll admit it. This looks bad!! In large part because it is really bad! Dressing up as an Indigenous person for a costume is never okay! But hear us out: the plot of this book is Claudia (and Stacey and Abby) writing a play for third graders criticizing Thanksgiving. The play calls out the whitewashing of history, and how Europeans stole land from indigenous people. It even makes the point that the racial and gender prejudices the pilgrims held carry into society today! Consequently the liberal Stoneybrook, Connecticut parents call the play un-American and censor this bold and incisive social critique!!
Is the book perfect? No! After all this drama, does the BSC uncritically celebrate Thanksgiving together? Yes! But when a parent says “The Pilgrims were heroes. They came to a savage, uncivilized country and made something of it” does often overlooked BSC member Abby reply, “Oh yeah? Tell that to the Native Americans! And then ask the Pilgrims what they believed about Jews. Europe wasn’t civilized, it was bigoted and prejudiced. Just because you believe a bunch of lies and propaganda doesn’t mean we have to!”? HELL YES SHE DOES!!!
This book is surprisingly rad. This outfit (and alleged reason for why we are here) is surprisingly a hot mess. Sorry Claudia, they can’t all be winners. Keep making political art though!!!
122. Stacey’s Movie
Granted these are middle schoolers but this is just so… middle school.
121. Mallory and the Mystery Diary
What is on Mallory’s shirt? Is it culturally appropriative? Is it a weirdly intricate stain? It’s on the front and the sleeve– why??? We don’t get it and we don’t like it.
120. Stacey’s Lie
In theory we love a crop top and floral skirt but this just lacks a certain je ne sais gay.
119. Dawn and the We ❤ Kids Club
It’s just some kids in swimsuits. I don’t know.
118. Stacey’s Ex-Best Friend
The fact that this cover features someone in every color of the rainbow and yet does not have them sitting in rainbow order is homophobic. I demand they remedy this egregious error and issue a reprint. Sign my petition on Change.org.
117. Mary Anne + 2 Many Babies
Much like this title, Mary Anne is trying 2 hard 2 be hip. She looks like a yoga mom.
116. Dawn on the Coast
If we’re being honest, we do sort of like this shimmery pink, and the high waisted bottoms, but it’s not special enough to be a truly great femme moment.
115. Logan Likes Mary Anne!
Does this give anyone else Gigi and Zayn wearing each other’s clothes on the cover of Vogue vibes? No, just us?
114. Mary Anne and the Search for Tigger
Pre-makeover Mary Anne is the second straightest BSC member after Stacey, and post-makeover Mary Anne is the second gayest after Kristy. This is solidly pre-makeover Mary Anne.
113. Don’t Give Up, Mallory
In which, over the course of 151 pages, Mallory confronts her sexist teacher, Mr. Cobb, Stoneybrook Middle School’s misappropriation of funds from a class fundraiser, high heels, and classmate Sandra Hart’s notion of femininity as weak.
But if we’re nitpicking, that is kind of an ugly shade of pink.
112. Happy Holidays, Jessi
Sure she may be a girl in red, but does she listen to Girl in Red? Hard to say based on this outfit. It’s just okay.
111. Mallory’s Christmas Wish
We dig the shoes with this look but it’s a little saccharine. LOL at the kid with jeans almost up to her armpits.
110. Jessi’s Big Break
A classic fallback performance of femininity. But we would watch the heck out of a tv show about queer ballerinas.
109. Farewell, Dawn
This look really has us asking: is Dawn a lesbian, or is she just trendy? The plaid looks less like the dad’s closet thrift store variety, and more like the back to school junior miss section at Kohl’s. But hey if we spent all our time worrying our pretty little heads about whether or not these fictional middle schoolers were actually gay, could we have spent hours ranking their wardrobes by gayness? I think not.
108. Stacey’s Ex-Boyfriend
Stacey! Way to look 10 billion times better than your loser ex! The white dress looks a little like it belongs in a country club, but we think the cut and chunky sandals push it into cool territory. Good riddance to boring sad boy Robert Brewster!
107. Mallory and the Dream Horse
Is anyone surprised that Mallory is a horse girl?
106. Welcome Back, Stacey!
In which Stacey foreshadows the eventual casting of Alicia Silverstone as Elizabeth Thomas-Brewer (Kristy’s mom) by wearing Cher Horowitz’s iconic yellow plaid.
105. Boy-Crazy Stacey
“Boy-Crazy” Stacey is definitely the straightest member of the BSC. With a nickname like that we have to admit it. But hey, who you’re with (or currently crushing on at your beach baby-sitting trip) doesn’t define your sexuality! We do! Three bored queers on the internet, trying to do the (Jewish) lord’s work! And we think that red bomber jacket is very cute.
P.S. Come on, Stace! That grown Ken doll of a man is clearly also gay. Wearing his life guard shirt 3/4s of the way unbuttoned? Wake up.
104. Mary Anne’s Bad-Luck Mystery
We’re not sure if this outfit can justifiably be considered gay, but these colors are so sweet together and this whole exercise is arbitrary anyway! Long live pastel Mary Anne!
103. Dawn Saves the Planet
This look, much like Dawn’s activism lacking an intersectional climate justice analysis of environmentalism, could use some work. Like really? Recycling? Corporations are causing climate change, not individuals!
Whoops, sorry! Meant to say, really? Pepto bismol pink?
Whatever. She’s 14. In theory of change and style, she’ll get there… just not in this book.
102. Stacey’s Choice
Stacey looks okay here.
101. Abby’s Twin
The first line of this book is “Taptaptaptap… That was the sound of my short nails impatiently drumming on my desk.” The very first line is about Abby keeping her nails short. Ann M. Martin wasn’t messing around!
Abby’s patterned pants are just fine.
100. Mary Anne Breaks the Rules
We think both of these articles of clothing look great as separates, but we’re not fully sold on them together.
99. Stacey McGill, Super Sitter
Both of those kids clearly have little kid crushes on super sitter Stacey and can you blame them? The apron and jeans is giving us a fun and functional critique of traditional womanhood, especially as this book deals with Stacey struggling to have her domestic labor appreciated.
98. Mary Anne Saves the Day
On the one hand, our idea of the queer aesthetic doesn’t really include this but maybe it should. Like are we falling into metronormativity? Is this a totally valid form of expression?
On the other hand, we wouldn’t wear it. We’re ranking it here.
97. Claudia and the Terrible Truth
We like the scrunchie and how it ties together this color story, but overall an underwhelming showing for fashion icon Claudia Kishi.
96. Mary Anne and the Little Princess
This jacket is so over the top. Props to Mary Anne who’s normally shy and sensitive for being self possessed enough to wear such a statement piece!
95. Kristy and the Sister War
This is kind of my go-to look, if she would have just cuffed the pants, but it’s also kind of boring.
94. Hello, Mallory
You can’t really go wrong with a good collared shirt and it’s cool how Mallory brings in her femininity with the pencil skirt and necklace, but this is still somewhat unremarkable.
93. Stacey’s Mistake
Stacey is (unsurprisingly) very overshadowed by Claudia here, but we do think her take on a green on green look is a step up from Mallory’s, so we’ll give her points for that.
92. Mary Anne vs. Logan
Mary Anne and Logan could have shown up to the Notes on Camp Met Gala (RIP) in this and would have looked better and campier than half the people there.
91. Dawn’s Big Date
Is Dawn’s date a total disaster? Yes! Because she is clearly so much cooler than that boring ass boy! She looks so classy in her black shirt and stud earrings. Get this activist superstar a SO who doubles as her jail support buddy at protests!
90. Jessi and the Troublemaker
The BSC loves a turtleneck, and what gay doesn’t have a wardrobe filled with striped tops. Why is that, though?
89. Stacey McGill… Matchmaker?
Happy 45th birthday, Stacey.
88. Jessi’s Horrible Prank
This book takes place in Jessi’s computer coding class. A ballerina and a coder? She’s so multi-talented! The pinstripe and satin pant look is kind of weird, but we appreciate her bringing something interesting.
87. Kristy for President
Why stop at Kristy for class president? Kristy for President of the United States in 2020! Based on this book, she was 14 in 1992, meaning she’d be 42 now and plenty old enough to run. I’d vote for her. I might actually vote for her. Anyone want to start a write-in campaign with me?
In terms of the outfit, it’s mediocre.
86. Jessi and the Awful Secret
The white, soft pink, and light blue just scream “ballet, but make it trans rights.” All right, maybe they don’t scream that, but the leg warmers are very fun.
85. The Fire at Mary Anne’s House
Sorry about your house, Mary Anne, but you’re kind of working it? No, never mind. That’s horrible. But also, you could totally use this as a headshot for modeling gigs. But also, so sorry!
84. Jessi’s Secret Language
Jessi is giving us lovely in lavender and full on disability justice superstar. In style and character she is grossly underappreciated and I hope she has a bigger role in the inevitable next season of the Netflix adaptation!
83. Jessi and the Bad Baby-sitter
We’re trying to focus on Jessi, who’s looking chic in earth tones, but that green visor is just so bumpin’.
82. Dawn and the Older Boy
That dude is a predator! Get out, Dawn!!! She does look cute in that letterman jacket though.
81. Kristy and the Dirty Diapers
Kristy would rock Doc Martens. The big sweater is fun, but would a girl so down and dirty really be wearing white pants? That’s a trend we’ve never really understood. People who wear white pants are far braver than us!
80. Abby’s Lucky Thirteen
Abby and her twin sister Anna really know how to make a birthday party look like some kind of spooky magic ritualistic summoning. We love all the drama!
79. Stacey and the Cheerleaders
We are knocking this up a few points in honour of queer cheerleading icon (and instigator of my queer awakening) Santana Lopez, as played by Naya Rivera. Rest in peace.
78. Abby in Wonderland
There’s nothing much is gayer than commitment to a theme ,and Abby (plus the rest of her fam) are COMMITTING!
77. Stacey’s Emergency
This t-shirt is so comically huge it’s pure camp.
76. Claudia Makes Up her Mind
In this book, Claudia must decide between cool boy Mark Jaffe, and soft boy Josh Rocker, but instead spends a brief amount of time dating both as part of the 8th grade’s coolest throuple only to dump them for someone who can better appreciate her dreamy peasant top and high ponytail. Don’t fact check this, please. It’s got that futch edge Claudia wears so well.
75. Jessi Ramsey, Pet-sitter
Jessi is looking understated and lovely.
74. Claudia’s Big Party
Claudia is totally a vest queer.
73. Mallory and the Trouble with Twins
Sleeveless turtlenecks are my go to party shirts and this blue one with the delicate necklace is a stunner! However, as a pair of twins and their older sister, we do have to dock points for the title “The Trouble With Twins.”
72. Claudia and the Great Search
That HAIR! Those hoops! The subtle shimmer stripe on her sweater paired with casual comfy jeans! Claudia is my muse.
71. Stacey and the Mystery of Stoneybrook
We can just picture Stacey rifling through her dad’s closet til she found this huge green sweater. The gays invented fall.
70. The All-New Mallory Pike
Wow, Mallory looks like such a dork and like…. maybe we’re here for it? It’s the sort of thing that worn as an adult is hip and ironic, but worn as a child is embarrassing. Are middle schoolers the true fashion vanguard? We would be pumped to find this jacket at a thrift store, so you tell us.
69. Welcome to the BSC, Abby
As a later addition to the BSC, Abby gets a lot of hate, but she looks fantastic here with that dramatic pearl necklace, chunky shoes, vintage-y looking dress and possibly the best hair of anyone in the club after Claudia.
68. Dawn and Too Many Sitters
Ok so given the cute little French tuck on that patterned top we can confirm 100% that Dawn has been watching Queer Eye. Thank you Tan France for setting Dawn on the path toward fully realized futch realness.
67. Jessi and the Dance School Phantom
Earlier we classified ballet as a classic fall back on femininity, but Jessi just looks so beautiful here and we love femininity and think this is great. No one said we had to be consistent.
66. Kristy and the Snobs
You could cut the romantic tension between Kristy and head snob Shannon with a knife. They were made for each other.
65. Dawn and the Big Sleepover
This is the look that finally made us google,”are turtle-necks gay”. The answer, you may ask? A resounding “inconclusive,” but we’re pretty sure they are. The BSC sure loved them and the BSC is def gay, so by the power of substitution….
64. Poor Mallory!
Not sure why Mallory is wearing this at the pool, but you can’t argue with a striped shirt and cuffed jeans!
63. Claudia and the Middle School Mystery
Normally we think pinstripes are sort of synonymous with an especially boring brand of business casual, but here Claudia livens them up with a huge red vest and adorable heart earrings! She can make anything look cool.
62. Kristy and Mr. Mom
In which The Baby-Sitters Club books shatter patriarchal gender roles one turtleneck at a time. Long live Mr. Mom!
61. Kristy’s Great Idea
From Claudia’s iconic overalls to Stacey’s power clashing, this is the picture the BSC will show to their collective grandkids! This is how it all began! Technically, it’s a Kristy cover and based on the Netflix re-creation, Kristy is meant to be the one in the blue dress. We find it hard to believe she would wear that, and Netflix clearly did, too, as they put her in a grey sweatsuit.
60. Dawn and Whitney, Friends Forever
Can confirm one person looking put together, stylish, and well accessorized while the other looks like a rejected Scooby-Doo character is indeed what gay friendships look like. We are truly an open minded and accepting people.
59. Kristy and the Worst Kid Ever
Get it together, Kristy! We know you’re more of a dog gay, but that cat is in danger! Kristy’s huge green sweater is great, but to be honest we’re kind of more into the so-called worst kid ever’s overalls and elbow patch sweater. He better not hurt that cat, though!
58. Abby’s Un-Valentine
From the hat to the wedge heels, this look is truly weird. More than any other, it bounced all around this list. Does the horrible choice of brown pants overshadow the cool leather jacket? The yellow beret? Eventually we just had to stop and this is where it was so this is where it will have to stay. All we can say is Abby, you do you. That’s what being queer is all about.
57. Claudia, Queen of the Seventh Grade
Claudia Kishi: queen of seventh grade, queen of the world. Love those layered necklaces.
56. Abby the Bad Sport
We like the purple take on a soccer uniform.
55. Mary Anne and the Memory Garden
This wind breaker is about even with Mallory’s a few spots up, but Mary Anne’s dad shoes give her an extra edge.
54. Claudia and the Genius of Elm Street
Claudia looks like one of the less important pink ladies in a high school production of Grease, but like, in a very cool way.
53. Stacey the Math Whiz
Step aside, Cady Heron! How cute is Stacey as a mathlete? The limit does not exist.
52. Dawn and the School Spirit War
Did you know there’s such a thing as a denim dyke? I didn’t. But it makes sense. Also, much like Dawn, I think I am one.
51. Mallory Pike, #1 Fan
We’ve all borrowed (read: stolen) this fleece from our mom’s closet. Literally That. Exact. Fleece. Can send pics to confirm. Love the baggy pants vibe, too.
50. Kristy Thomas, Dog Trainer
Just a lesbian and her dog. We love to see it. The striped sweater is nice too!
49. Jessi’s Baby-sitter
This outfit is so chaotic and it rocks! We love the colors, the pattern, the white sneaks. The whole thing is just so good.
48. Claudia and the Bad Joke
Whatever the time, whatever the place, Claudia knows how to rock a garment. We all wish we could look this glam in the hospital! Or on a first date. Or ever.
47. Mallory on Strike
Yellow (pleated?) pants and a pink sweater is a great strike look. Mallory would look awesome at a picket line.
46. Claudia and the New Girl
The Baby-Sitters Club loves an oversized shirt and you know what — so do we!! In this look Claudia would for sure be an instagram influencer but like, one who uses her platform for good and shares bail funds and her amazing art (“it’s a commentary on consumerism”).
45. Good-bye Stacey, Good-bye
A collared shirt under a sweater is certifiably gay. Does that “see you soon” banner look vaguely threatening to anyone else?
44. Mary Anne to the Rescue
Sure she’s kissing a boy on this cover, but make no mistake! She’s still got that post-makeover bisexual bob! We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again, who you’re dating at the moment doesn’t define your sexuality. In this case, Mary Anne’s sexuality is defined by her cuffed sleeves, and those sleeves are cuffed.
43. Kristy in Charge
As if we didn’t already know Kristy is a top.
42. Claudia and Mean Janine
Claudia Queen of Funky Sweaters Kishi.
41. Stacey’s Secret Friend
This book is how we know despite all her “boy-crazy”ness Stacey is indeed queer. See how she looks at her hot, quirky, Parisian friend Tess!? As for her zip down purple sweater– it’s also pretty cute!
40. Abby and the Best Kid Ever
Who the heck doesn’t love a graphic tee? Such a good solid look.
39. Claudia Kishi, Middle School Drop Out
The layering, the color scheme, the classic hoop earrings! We don’t deserve Claudia Kishi.
38. The Ghost at Dawn’s House
Dawn in her skinny jeans and oversized striped t-shirt is truly ahead of her time.
37. Stacey’s Big Crush
We love this sweet little vintage-y green dress with the matching bow. The caption reminds us of that line in Matchmaker from Fiddler on the Roof, “He’s handsome! He’s young! All right, he’s 62”.
I’d say Stacey has terrible taste in crushes, but it’s the pot calling the kettle black. My type is emotionally unavailable nerds who don’t like me back. I feel you, Stacey!
36. Claudia and the World’s Cutest Baby
More like Claudia and the world’s cutest monogrammed button down shirt!!! (Although that baby’s tiny scrunchie is also pretty cute). We love a statement piece. A monogrammed shirt is so over the top.
35. Jessi’s Gold Medal
We can only assume the little “go for it, Jessi!” caption on the cover is referring to Jessi hooking up with her synchronized swimming partner Elise.
34. Keep Out, Claudia!
This is one of Claudia’s coolest vests (no small feat!) and we love that lavender top. How does she always have hair ties that perfectly match her outfits? The boots are so cool, the necklace so hip. Claudia is a legend.
33. Kristy and the Secret of Susan
Where’s Waldo? In the closet. Where’s Kristy? Also probably in the closet
32. Dawn and the Impossible Three
With her oversized shirt and cuffed jeans Dawn is looking like a real bisexual babe here.
31. Dawn’s Wicked Stepsister
Battle of the stripes!
We think the only thing potentially keeping the whole BSC from growing up and moving to a farm commune where they’re all part of one big, beautiful polycule is that technically Dawn and Mary Anne are step sisters. But hey! They did it in Clueless and we let it slide so I say they should go for it!
30. Claudia and the Phantom Phone Calls
The gays love a shirt with a pattern that looks like it belongs on the fabric of a bus seat and this sweater fits the bill. Once again, Claudia, you done good.
29. Mary Anne and Camp BSC
What did we tell you about the cuffed sleeves?? And her cute little watch?? There’s queer time, which translates to time is a colonial construct that doesn’t really exist, but there’s also queer girls with watches. BOTH ARE VALID! You are valid, Mary Anne!
28. Kristy and the Mother’s Day Surprise
Okay, this is classic. High waisted jeans and a white tee? It’s understated, but elegant. So perfect. So gay.
Counter argument: this is kind of a popular look among everyone in Gen Z right now.
Counter-counter argument: anyone born after 1998 is queer. We don’t make the rules.
27. Mary Anne and Miss Priss
Abbie, fab femme, says this is athleisure wear at its finest. Rose, resident butch babe, says this is in no way athleisure wear. We all say whatever! Mary Anne is looking cozy and comfy so who could complain! Make special note of the sweatpants tucked into the socks. It’s the little things.
26. Kristy’s Worst Idea
There’s a lot going on in this cover, but since it’s technically a Kristy story, we’ll just focus on her. What exactly was Kristy’s worst idea? This book would have you believe it was disbanding the Baby-Sisters Club. We say it was probably Kristy going with Alan Grey to the Final Fling dance in the book “Kristy and the Sister War” when, in her baggy red shirt and baseball cap, she clearly belongs at the LGBTQ community (shout-out to comrade Britney). But disbanding the BSC was very bad too.
25. Claudia and the Little Liar
‘Vain trifles as they seem, clothes have… more important offices than merely to keep us warm. They change our view of the world and the world’s view of us.’
Did Virgina Woolf write this in the 1928 gender-bending love story “Orlando,” or did Claudia Kishi say this about vests? We may never know.
24. Mary Anne’s Makeover
Mary Anne’s makeover was literally to give herself a bisexual bob and pair it with an oversized button down. The entire plot of this book is a gay glow up.
23. Kristy’s Mystery Admirer
Anyone who’s read the books knows that the letters Kristy receives from her mystery admirer turn out to be from former snob and future soulmate Shannon Kilbourne. What’s that you say? Weren’t some of the letters from rival softball coach Bart Taylor and the other from bully Cokie Mason? I don’t understand the question and I won’t respond to it.
22. Claudia and the Sad Good-bye
Um, sorry about your grandmother, Claudia, but those purple suspenders are IT.
21. Mallory Hates Boys (And Gym)
Honestly, “Abbie Hates Boys (And Gym)” is going to be the name of my memoir. And the cover will just be this with my face photoshopped onto Mallory’s. Shout out to that one future twink in the short shorts.
20. Maid Mary Anne
Alright, Mary Anne the Riveter!! We see you in your cut off jorts, cuffed t-shirt and bandana head piece! Yes, you sure ARE making that apron work! Very gay Cinderella chic!
19. Stacey’s Broken Heart
This is fully how I dress. A button down shirt, floral skirt and lace-up boots. Wouldn’t necessarily pair it with a scarf, but that just goes to show I’m not as forward thinking as Stacey living her NYC fantasy!
18. Dawn’s Big Move
In the immortal words of drag queens Monet Exchange, Eureka O’Hara, and Kameron Michaels, “Proportionizing!!!” Maybe they were talking about hip pads, but I think it also applies to Dawn’s massive denim shirt which looks great with the black jeans and white tee. I hope her scrunchie is also denim. And we’d be remiss not to give a shout out to Claudia’s funky shirt, hat, and cowboy boots!
17. Kristy and the Copycat
Obviously it is extremely gay that boss bitch Kristy started a baseball team called Kristy’s Krushers. There are so many Kristy baseball looks that we simply must group them together. We are outdoorsy gays, but not sports gays, and thus cannot appreciate the subtle nuances between baseball uniform upon baseball uniform. Sorry about it.
16. Kristy at Bat
This isn’t from Kristy’s Krushers, but her own baseball team. Go Kristy!
15. Mind Your Own Business, Kristy!
Love that massive shirt.
14. Kristy and the Walking Disaster
Like, is this almost too gay? Not trying to be homophobic, but have they jumped the shark on gayness? It’s just so gay! The book after this could be called Kristy and the Cool New Subaru. Actually, I would totally love to read that. Does anyone have Ann M. Martin’s contact info?
13. Mary Anne and the Playground Fight
Look at that pose. When Mary Anne grows up, she’s going to be the coolest biker chick.
12. Jessi’s Wish
This look really made us fall in love with Jessi. We can’t resist a short sleeved flannel. Jessi is the only BSC member who can come close to Claudia’s style icon status.
11. Claudia and the Perfect Boy
Come on Claudia, you witchy wonder! Stop trying to impress this mediocre boy and get with someone who can appreciate you in all your artistic, fashionable glory! This stunning LBD is giving us Stevie Nicks at a junior prom, it’s giving us upscale Hot Topic, it’s giving us Claudia is way better than this loser!
10. Mary Anne Misses Logan
ALL RIGHT THEY ARE ROLLER SKATING?! Getting over a boy by going roller skating? ROLLER SKATING!? And we know this is meant to be about Mary Anne (who looks cute in her fitted cuffed jeans and bright red sweater) but it is ALL about CLAUDIA and her PURPLE FEDORA??? And MATCHING VEST??? This cover gives us hope for their future polycule.
9. Jessi and the Superbrat
Jessi, those patches! That pose! The pop of black around the wrists and neck! She is legit a model!
8. Claudia Kishi, Live from WSTO!
When we saw this, three out of three of us audibly gasped. Goosebumps! We can’t believe she’s just casually on the radio in a tux. Claudia is an inspiration.
7. Mary Anne in the Middle
This is what I wear on my gender dysphoria days. I hate it. It’s ugly, but a straight person would never wear it, so we’ve got to do what we’ve got to do.
6. The Truth About Stacey
A button-up dad shirt over a sweater?? Revolutionary! Well-accessorized too we might add. It’s so ugly it’s awesome. The straights could never.
5. Kristy + Bart = ?
Kristy is a lesbian icon. A born this way tomboy queer hero. Just look at her in her puffy vest and layered turtleneck with her baseball glove! Moments after this picture, that boy burst into flames from being so close to her pure sapphic power. Look at his hand hovering! He dare not get closer! He! Dare! Not!
4. Stacey and the Bad Girls
I want the Bad Girls to beat me up.
CLAUDIA!!!! That chain?? The matching denim? The belt? The girl knows how to play with gender. We want to know how to pull together such effortlessly androgynous looks!
2. Stacey vs. the BSC
Sorry, Stacey, but this cover is all about flannel-clad, baseballcapped, can’t-sit-in-chairs KRISTY!!! Our! Lesbian! Hero!
- Claudia and Crazy Peaches
Claudia and her aunt are in FULL ON DRAG! We would like to believe that Peaches is queer and serves as a role model for young Claudia, and one day Claudia herself will be someone’s queer aunt. Such is the circle of queer life.
We love this look. We love the Baby-Sitters Club. We love queers. Maybe the world will be all right after all!