A collection of things that Robert Pope Leonard would say in his first address to the Vatican in the hypothetical hit series Being Pope Leonard.

• I’m going food shopping right now after we’re done. Vienna fingers I like, shredded wheat is my favorite cereal. Um, I usually get turkey burgers. I like turkey burgers. They’re quick. … One night I’ll make turkey burgers and rice… like, steam some broccoli. And then the next night I think, “well, it worked last night.”
• I get tired.
• I can’t think of anything [that makes me laugh]. There are a few lines from Young Frankenstein that make me laugh. I was thinking earlier that Randy Newman songs make me laugh.
• I won’t go somewhere to be like “Oh, yeah, there’s the sphere of dome. Great.”
• I’m a little distracted. Yeah, I’m just kidding.

(Image Source – Thanks Olive)

• [On Britney Spears] I saw her performance. It certainly looked lethargic, but I didn’t think it was horrific. She looked good. She didn’t look seventeen. It was an outfit I wouldn’t have gone with, if I was her. She looks for her, for a woman her age, she looks great. I thought it was fine. It looked a bit like a rehearsal.
• Seven figures… I’m no mathematician, but that’s in the tens of millions.
• When I got famous… well, supposedly…
• It’s far. It’s too far from where I live. I avoid airplanes and traveling, I don’t like traveling. I don’t like leaving my apartment.
• Well, I hate a lot of people. I can name them all right now for you if you’d like.
• My whole family hates traveling. All of them live in New Jersey. They’re like… I think that’s true of tarantulas as well. They don’t ever roam a mile from where they were spawned or whatever. … I’m comparing my family to tarantulas, is what I’m doing.
• You don’t have to shriek at me.
• The kids love it. The kids are drink– kids are eating it up. I don’t care.
• I want to do plays and I want to read. That’s it.