Given the existing script of House MD, this didn’t even take much. Self-explanatory.
Lisa: House, I never approved this transplant
House: [flipping the bird] approve this
Cameron: Lung scans got back. Looks like they found––
House: [lighting a cigarette] Répétez?
Chase: Our only choice is to amputate the foot, I’m very sorry
Patient: [light angry sobbing]
House: [kickflips into the room] Stop the op. I decided it’s MS
Lisa: House you’re on clinic today
House: I’m going to eat a reuben in the morgue. They get me down there
Patient: My dad can never know I smoked weed… he’ll never let me out of the house again
House: [passes blunt]
Wilson: What else do you want from me?
House: Uhh, your tongue down my throat?
House: [to the team, who have been there all along] UP top!
Lisa: I can literally fire you at any time
House: [turns up the volume on his portable TV]
House: Do it
Phone call from Foreman.
Foreman: House, she’s herniating.
House: Th–– oh my god her sofa reclines
House: That’s dope
House: You had to tracheate?
Cameron: Yeah, the patie––
Wilson: [to a patient] I’m sorry, there’s nothing else we can do. I’m afraid you only hav––
House: [doing j/o motion through the window behind him]
Disclaimer: this post was inspired by the late, fantastic the-toast.net.