*they're driving in a car together* cooper: *puts on smooth jazz* tony: *puts on con te partiro* cooper: *puts on smooth jazz* tony: *puts on con te partiro* cooper: *puts on smooth jazz* tony: *puts on con te partiro* *in the pine barrens* cooper: mr. soprano, what kind of fantastic trees have you got growing … Continue reading What if Dale Cooper Were the FBI agent investigating Tony Soprano? What Then?
I've set the header image on this post to Thomas the Tank Engine, as he is the most culturally iconic Thomas I can presently think of. Let's roll. 8. Andrew Peyton Thomas Andrew Peyton Thomas is not even a true Peyton Thomas, but when you search "peyton thomas author" on Google, he pops up quite … Continue reading Peyton Thomases, Ranked
The 100 Baby Challenge involves conceiving a hundred Sim children by a hundred different Sim parents and then raising said Sim kids from birth to young adulthood. It is extraordinarily difficult and, in most cases, extremely time-consuming. Kelsey Impicciche's playthrough, segmented into 58 parts and counting, has brought in untold millions in ad revenue for … Continue reading Ten Expert Tips For Conquering the 100 Baby Challenge, the Dark Souls of The Sims
Though the Drag Race will crown its Season 12 champion in a Zoomed finale tomorrow night, the real winner, in my heart, will be Jackie Cox. The self-professed Persian Princess of Drag, Cox didn't just bring fabulous looks to the runway every week and assassinate her lip sync competition -- she unapologetically, thoughtfully brought her culture … Continue reading Stars, Stripes, and “Salaam, RuPaul Joon!”: A Niche Interview with Jackie Cox
The Niche: Leo! First of all, let me just say I know it's a crazy time right now what with COVID-19 and all, so I really appreciate you taking the time to chat. Leo Tolstoy: Da, da. Talkink to you is nice break from sittink in study and smokink pipe vhile vife vatch over eight … Continue reading A Zoom Interview with Leo Tolstoy About Count Vronsky’s Dick Game
In a dream you saw a way to give birth to a premature baby on an airplane, and after a harrowing, hours-long labour, during which it looked at many times like the baby might not survive, you finally named the healthy newborn Ronan Farrow, and you were full of joy. In a dream you saw … Continue reading That One Jenny Holzer Truism About Dreams But It’s Now About My Own Weird Quarantine Dreams
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Some days ago, I embarked on this project as a fun way to kill some time while quarantined. It quickly evolved into a harrowing odyssey of grief, regret, and triumph. I have emerged battered, bruised, and bereft of the $119 Canadian dollars I used to impulse-buy the doll who stole my heart during this exercise. … Continue reading All 282 American Girl Doll Outfits, Ranked
It gives me no pleasure to report that I have logged 649 hours to date playing The Sims 4. It is, I think, an objectively bad video game, a boring, shallow imitation of my beloved Sims 3, which no longer runs on my computer. (Planned obsolescence; love that!) Nonetheless, nothing relaxes my neurotic prey-animalian brain … Continue reading The Secret History Challenge for The Sims 4
1. I take Eglinton to 401 East And exit at Markham Road in the East End 2. And back in the city I was on a tear High-fiving every shithead on Queen Street 3. Queen Street visions that nobody believed in 4. I'm on Bloor where you can't shop 5. I'm driving fast to get … Continue reading Drake or PUP: Can You Guess Who Wrote Each Lyric About Being A Sad Man on a Toronto Motorway?
The Niche 