Some days ago, I embarked on this project as a fun way to kill some time while quarantined. It quickly evolved into a harrowing odyssey of grief, regret, and triumph. I have emerged battered, bruised, and bereft of the $119 Canadian dollars I used to impulse-buy the doll who stole my heart during this exercise. … Continue reading All 282 American Girl Doll Outfits, Ranked
It gives me no pleasure to report that I have logged 649 hours to date playing The Sims 4. It is, I think, an objectively bad video game, a boring, shallow imitation of my beloved Sims 3, which no longer runs on my computer. (Planned obsolescence; love that!) Nonetheless, nothing relaxes my neurotic prey-animalian brain … Continue reading The Secret History Challenge for The Sims 4
1. I take Eglinton to 401 East And exit at Markham Road in the East End 2. And back in the city I was on a tear High-fiving every shithead on Queen Street 3. Queen Street visions that nobody believed in 4. I'm on Bloor where you can't shop 5. I'm driving fast to get … Continue reading Drake or PUP: Can You Guess Who Wrote Each Lyric About Being A Sad Man on a Toronto Motorway?
THE MARCH SISTERS GROUPCHAT Amy: hey wheres jo do we know where jo is rn Meg: She told me she was seeing Knives Out with Laurie Beth: yeah she posted about it on Instagram a half hour ago Amy: ok good so shes not here to defend herself Beth: hm don't like where this is … Continue reading Amy Discovers Jo’s AO3 Handle and Drags Her in the March Family Groupchat
Krem Zaroogian plays many roles: an artist, an illustrator, an animator, a long-time friend of mine from our [REDACTED EMBARRASSING WEBCOMIC] fandom days. But most nights, Krem isn't Krem at all - he becomes Andromeda VII, intergalactic drag queen par excellence. Rare among drag queens, Krem's also a trans guy. Read on to learn how … Continue reading Trans Dude, Drag Queen: A Niche Interview with Andromeda VII
Inspired by this post. 1. What's your favourite flavour of ice cream? a) My own tears. b) Fake asthma medication. c) Cocaine. 2. Would you be comfortable coming out to your mother? a) Last year, on my birthday, she got me three gifts: a pack of rainbow-colored gel pens, a cassette of Madonna's greatest hits, and … Continue reading Niche Quiz: Which Emotionally Unstable Thirteen-Year-Old Boy with a Crush on Your Best Friend, Finn Wolfhard, Are You?
Hey, The Niche! I've got a question for your career advice columnist, and I'm hoping you can help me! See, I'm a mediocre writer with no academic qualifications or professional experience beyond a degree in gender studies -- you may already see the problem here -- and gosh, I'm just trying to make a living … Continue reading Meghan Murphy, the Toronto Public Library, and the Easiest Grift in the Universe
The subterranean dungeon of Taylor Swift's Rhode Island mansion is painted a folksy, endearing robin's-egg blue, a delicate contrast to the exposed copper piping which runs the length of the cavernous room, and to which I am presently shackled. As forced captivities go, this has been an eminently pleasant one. And it was my fault, … Continue reading An Exclusive Interview with Taylor Swift While Shackled to A Copper Pipe In Her Basement
Yesterday, in what still feels like a targeted effort by scientists in a government laboratory to make me, personally, weep myself into blindness, Warner Brothers released the second trailer for The Goldfinch. If you're not familiar, I'll catch you up in just a second -- but have a look, first: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YAfCD9MVq_c Yes, as if it wasn't enough … Continue reading What Does “Queerbait” Even Mean Anymore?
MAY 19, 1999. The curtain rises on a bar that could charitably be described as "humble." Paint peels along the walls. The counter-tops are sticky with beers of yesteryear. Stuffing leaks from six bar-stools, and six occupants in their early thirties slouch on them: MIKE, DUSTIN, LUCAS, MAX, WILL, and ELEVEN, called EL. They are … Continue reading The Stranger Things Kids Turn 30 and Go See “The Phantom Menace” on Opening Night: A One-Act Play