Niche Quiz: Which Emotionally Unstable Thirteen-Year-Old Boy with a Crush on Your Best Friend, Finn Wolfhard, Are You?

Inspired by this post. 1. What's your favourite flavour of ice cream? a) My own tears. b) Fake asthma medication. c) Cocaine. 2. Would you be comfortable coming out to your mother? a) Last year, on my birthday, she got me three gifts: a pack of rainbow-colored gel pens, a cassette of Madonna's greatest hits, and … Continue reading Niche Quiz: Which Emotionally Unstable Thirteen-Year-Old Boy with a Crush on Your Best Friend, Finn Wolfhard, Are You?

Meghan Murphy, the Toronto Public Library, and the Easiest Grift in the Universe

Hey, The Niche! I've got a question for your career advice columnist, and I'm hoping you can help me! See, I'm a mediocre writer with no academic qualifications or professional experience beyond a degree in gender studies -- you may already see the problem here -- and gosh, I'm just trying to make a living … Continue reading Meghan Murphy, the Toronto Public Library, and the Easiest Grift in the Universe

An Exclusive Interview with Taylor Swift While Shackled to A Copper Pipe In Her Basement

The subterranean dungeon of Taylor Swift's Rhode Island mansion is painted a folksy, endearing robin's-egg blue, a delicate contrast to the exposed copper piping which runs the length of the cavernous room, and to which I am presently shackled. As forced captivities go, this has been an eminently pleasant one. And it was my fault, … Continue reading An Exclusive Interview with Taylor Swift While Shackled to A Copper Pipe In Her Basement

What Does “Queerbait” Even Mean Anymore?

Yesterday, in what still feels like a targeted effort by scientists in a government laboratory to make me, personally, weep myself into blindness, Warner Brothers released the second trailer for The Goldfinch. If you're not familiar, I'll catch you up in just a second -- but have a look, first: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YAfCD9MVq_c Yes, as if it wasn't enough … Continue reading What Does “Queerbait” Even Mean Anymore?

The Stranger Things Kids Turn 30 and Go See “The Phantom Menace” on Opening Night: A One-Act Play

MAY 19, 1999.  The curtain rises on a bar that could charitably be described as "humble." Paint peels along the walls. The counter-tops are sticky with beers of yesteryear. Stuffing leaks from six bar-stools, and six occupants in their early thirties slouch on them: MIKE, DUSTIN, LUCAS, MAX, WILL, and ELEVEN, called EL. They are … Continue reading The Stranger Things Kids Turn 30 and Go See “The Phantom Menace” on Opening Night: A One-Act Play