Dear Sir or Mad -- nah, let's be real, you're almost definitely a Sir, and a sorry excuse for one, at that, Last November, I wrote an article entitled "Let's Scroll Through John Mulaney and Annamarie Tendler's Instagrams While Listening to 'Wouldn't It Be Nice' by the Beach Boys Until We All Have Emotional Breakdowns." … Continue reading An Open Letter to the Person Who Keeps Accessing Our Site By Googling Stuff Like “john mulaney wife armpit hair”
i really want to get into freelance journalism, but i don’t even know where to start. i know that’s probably still really broad, but i just love writing so much and i have no fuckin clue what i can DO about it besides feel like i’m too paralyzed to start.... I'm glad you're asking this … Continue reading A Freelance FAQ for New and Niche Writers
What It Felt Like When 'Cat Person' Went Viral, by Kristen Roupenian for the New Yorker Like just about everyone who digested Kristen Roupenian's 'Cat Person' two falls ago, I had an immediate and visceral reaction to it. Mine was, "Seriously? This is what everyone's raving about? That's the 'shocking twist' everyone's talking up? If this is what passes for … Continue reading The Ten Best Things We Read in January 2019
“Many things in the world have not been named,” writes Susan Sontag, in the opening of her Notes on ‘Camp,’ “and many things, even if they have been named, have never been described.” It is for this very reason that I hesitate to write these notes. In recent years, it seems, to describe a path … Continue reading Notes on “Feral”
I walk into a bookstore downtown at 4:30 in the afternoon. I graduated from university four years ago, but I still have a stressed-out aura about me. PENN BADGLEY'S INTERNAL MONOLOGUE: Well, hello there. Who are you? Based on your vibe, a student. A saucy little co-ed. Nice. I am wearing the sweatshirt that was … Continue reading Penn Badgley From “You” Follows Me Around For A Day
@Aeneas - 3:11 PM Some personal news: I'll be heading off to Italy next week at the behest of Apollo! Super nervous, and totally gonna miss everyone here in Carthage, but so excited about this next chapter. Shoot me a text & let's grab brunch before I go. @QueenDido - 3:16 PM lmao @Aeneas - … Continue reading The Aeneid, As Told in Subtweets
The first red flag was printed on the label, three words, tucked small in the bottom right: frozen dairy dessert. I was standing in the ice cream aisle at Loblaw's, and I saw those three words, and I thought, "Huh, that must mean Halo Top doesn't meet the Canadian Food Inspection Agency's legal definition of 'ice … Continue reading Halo Top is a Scam
Chapter 1 It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife. However little known the feelings or views of such a man may be on his first entering a neighbourhood, this truth is so well fixed in the minds of the … Continue reading The Full Text of Pride & Prejudice But I Replaced Every Instance of “Darcy” With “Gritty”
Rainn Wilson was born to play Prior Walter.
Friends, homos, countrymen, it is my pleasure to announce that, as of 5:41 PM Eastern Standard Time, The Niche has garnered one million hits. What began as a website for five people has blossomed into something much grander. Friendships have been forged. Graduate degrees have been completed. Romances have bloomed. Hearts have been broken. Pants … Continue reading The Niche: A Website for A Million People
