The Full Text of Pride & Prejudice But I Replaced Every Instance of “Darcy” With “Gritty”

Chapter 1 It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife. However little known the feelings or views of such a man may be on his first entering a neighbourhood, this truth is so well fixed in the minds of the … Continue reading The Full Text of Pride & Prejudice But I Replaced Every Instance of “Darcy” With “Gritty”

Some Suggestions for Beto O’Rourke Fanfiction, Based on His Truly Ridiculous Wikipedia Page

In 1988 after spending two years at El Paso High School, he enrolled in Woodberry Forest School, an all-male boarding school in Madison County, Virginia. When sixteen-year-old Beto O'Rourke arrives at the elite Woodberry Forest School for Boys, he's a complete outsider. Transplanted from El Paso, the social and academic pressure of New England is alien to him. … Continue reading Some Suggestions for Beto O’Rourke Fanfiction, Based on His Truly Ridiculous Wikipedia Page

Let’s Scroll Through John Mulaney and Annamarie Tendler’s Instagrams While Listening to “Wouldn’t It Be Nice” by The Beach Boys Until We All Have Emotional Breakdowns

So, two days ago, and with flagrant disregard for my mental health, John Mulaney posted this picture on Instagram: Until this picture arrived in my life, I'd been pretty ambivalent on John Mulaney. The Delta Airlines bit was funny. The Les Mis sketch with the singing lobster was funnier. But... I mean, really, this isn't … Continue reading Let’s Scroll Through John Mulaney and Annamarie Tendler’s Instagrams While Listening to “Wouldn’t It Be Nice” by The Beach Boys Until We All Have Emotional Breakdowns

How to Do a Three-Step Anxiety Inventory and Stop Feeling Like Your Brain is On Fire

Rough time to be alive, huh? I'm writing this on October 7, 2018; Brett Kavanaugh was sworn in yesterday, Brazil looks to be electing a fascist today, and earlier this afternoon, I was lying in bed, ill, and I heard a sick screech of metal on metal, and I stumbled woozily over to my window … Continue reading How to Do a Three-Step Anxiety Inventory and Stop Feeling Like Your Brain is On Fire

Let’s Ask Congress to Replace All the Republican Supreme Court Justices With the Little Cartoon Animals From Night in the Woods

Dear [Your Representative's Name Here], My name is [Your Name], and I am a constituent of your district, [Congressional District]. I am writing to express my concerns about the future of the Supreme Court of the United States. Earlier this year, the Court issued a number of distressing opinions. They ruled to uphold a Republican redistricting … Continue reading Let’s Ask Congress to Replace All the Republican Supreme Court Justices With the Little Cartoon Animals From Night in the Woods