Dear [Your Representative's Name Here], My name is [Your Name], and I am a constituent of your district, [Congressional District]. I am writing to express my concerns about the future of the Supreme Court of the United States. Earlier this year, the Court issued a number of distressing opinions. They ruled to uphold a Republican redistricting … Continue reading Let’s Ask Congress to Replace All the Republican Supreme Court Justices With the Little Cartoon Animals From Night in the Woods
Let me paint a picture for you: the summer of 2016, the Ottawa Jazz Festival, a vast expanse of jewel-green grass dotted with retirees in lawn chairs. I go to a lot of shows, but I do not go to a lot of shows targeted at baby boomers, so I had not brought a lawn … Continue reading Hot Take: Encores Are the Fucking Worst
In the first season, it's Pete Campbell, rifling through a shoebox on Don's desk, who discovers the childhood photos, the birth certificate, the wrong name. In the third season, it's Betty, turning a key in a lock, sitting vigil at the kitchen table with a cigarette and a glass of wine and a stack of … Continue reading Don Draper Was A Trans Man: A Niche Interview with Jon Hamm
Once upon a time, in the year 2010 -- nearly a decade ago, fuck me -- there was a land called Livejournal. And the residents of that land loved nothing more than to collect angsty songs by white men and collate them into angsty playlists about white men. Entire communities sustained themselves on this practice, even though … Continue reading An Alphabetically Ordered List of Every Fictional Character That Comes Up When You Google “little lion man livejournal fanmix 2010”
Sleep Well Asshole Sleep Well Bastard Sleep Well Bonehead Sleep Well Bootlicker Sleep Well Bumpkin Sleep Well Butthead Sleep Well Buttlicker Sleep Well Chav Sleep Well Chump Sleep Well Clown Sleep Well Cockmaster Sleep Well Cow Sleep Well Creep Sleep Well Cretin Sleep Well Dick Sleep Well Dickbag Sleep Well Dickface Sleep Well Dickhead Sleep … Continue reading “Sleep Well Beast” by The National, But With Derogatory Epithets Other Than “Beast”
When Joanna Newsom said, "And there was a booming above you that night; black airplanes flew over the sea and they were lowing and shifting like beached whales, shelled snails. As you strained and you squinted to see the retreat of their hairless and blind cavalry, you froze in your sand shoal, prayed for your … Continue reading A Niche Review of Joanna Newsom’s “Ys”
As many of you know, this website was founded on an inside joke about Robert Sean Leonard. And for the year and a half that The Niche has been active, I've played along, despite having very limited exposure to Robert Sean Leonard's oeuvre. By this I mean Harry and Ashleigh invited me over one night … Continue reading Y’all Mind If I Drink This Whole Thing of Cranberry Vodka and Watch Dead Poets Society?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jJOwdrTA8Gw It's true, but we shouldn't say it, but we're saying it anyway: the late 2000s randomcore masterpiece Llamas With Hats may be the most potent distillation of The Dynamic in existence. Carl is the most absolute of absolute nightmares; Paul exudes sweaterboy energy without ever even donning a sweater. If you don't believe me, … Continue reading I Regret to Report That the Llamas With Hats Are The Dynamic
Elizabeth Holmes is not a good person. Like, historically not good. Like, stole $9 billion and played Russian roulette with millions of innocent lives levels of not good. Last month, a federal grand jury indicted her on nine counts of wire fraud; in March, the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission sued her and formally banned her … Continue reading I Love Elizabeth Holmes, Scam Queen
Hey, Nichers! Can you believe we're more than halfway through the year? Neither can I! Here's how I'm coping with summertime malaise, and you can, too! Joining A Yoga Studio Like Some Rich-Ass Soccer Mom So I have this thing where I, like, never exercise. Like, never, ever, ever. I was momentarily kind of a … Continue reading Nine Healthy Coping Mechanisms to Get You Through This Hell Month
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