It’s true, but we shouldn’t say it, but we’re saying it anyway: the late 2000s randomcore masterpiece Llamas With Hats may be the most potent distillation of The Dynamic in existence. Carl is the most absolute of absolute nightmares; Paul exudes sweaterboy energy without ever even donning a sweater.
If you don’t believe me, or you’re having trouble seeing it, please take a moment to read the following transcription, in the voices of some of our favourite Dynamics.
Wilson: House! There’s a dead human in our house!
House: Oh! Hey! How did he get here?
Bob the Tomato: Laaaaaaaarry! What did you do?
Larry the Cucumber: Me? Uh, I, uh… I didn’t do this.
Rory Gilmore: Explain what happened, Paris.
Paris Geller: I’ve never seen him before in my life.
Bea Santello: Why did you kill this person, Mae?
Mae Borowski: I do not kill people. That is… that is my least favourite thing to do.
John: Tell me, Sherlock, exactly what you were doing before I got home.
Sherlock: All right, well, I was upstairs.
Sherlock: I was sitting in my room.
Sherlock: Reading a book.
John: Go on.
Sherlock: And, uh, well, this guy walked in.
Sherlock: So I went up to him.
Sherlock: And, uh, well, I stabbed him thirty-seven times in the chest.
Abbi: Ilana! That kills people!
Ilana: Oh! Oh! Wow. I, uh… I didn’t know that.
Abbi: How could you not know that?
Ilana: Yeah, I’m in the wrong here. I suck.
Eduardo Saverin: What happened to his hands?
Mark Zuckerberg: What’s that?
Eduardo Saverin: His hands. Why… why are they missing?
Mark Zuckerberg: Well, I, uh… I kind of cooked them up. And ate them.
Kanye: Well, I was hungry. And you know, when you crave hands…
Julie: Why on earth would you do that?
Lady Bird: I was hungry for hands! Give me a break!
Julie: …Lady Bird.
Sufjan: My Stomach Was Making The Rumblies.
Sufjan: That Only Hands Would Satisfy.
Mac: What is wrong with you, Dennis?
Dennis: Well, I… I kill people and I eat hands. That’s… that’s two things.