by Seph and Thea

Is this a quote from the Tony and Pulitzer winning play “Angels in America: A Gay Fantasia on National Themes” or the FX show “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia”? This quiz asks the question: What?

Answer key below.

(N.B.: both texts contain some pretty strong themes. Here are some content warnings to take note of before you proceed: misogyny, homophobia, violent language, sexual language, and references to AIDS, addiction and suicide.)

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1. “I’ve been poisoned by my constituents.”

2. “I wanted a real Eskimo, someone chilly and reliable. An Eskimo dressed in seal pelts. Not this. This is just some lawyer.”

3. “I am a bird of prey! I will not be compelled!”

4. “Was I legal? Fuck legal. Am I a nice man? Fuck nice.”

5. “Laughs are cheap. I’m going for gasps.”

6. “You try to walk out right now I’ll put your dinner back in the oven and turn it up so high the whole building will fill with smoke and everyone will asphyxiate. So help me God I will, now answer the question.”

7. “That is a list of chores to give you a sense of purpose, so you don’t feel so cooped up and lonely.”

8. “You get your information from a book written by men you’ve never met. And you take their words as truth, based on a willingness to believe, a desire to accept, a leap of… of, dare I say it…faith?”

9. “I’m cold and I’m wet and I’m very, very angry. So I’m sorry that you’re psychotic but just make an effort.”

10. “I mean, really personal stuff. Way over the line! The kind of stuff that cuts you to the core, you know? She held it together without a single tear …When her two minutes were out, she cried for a month straight. Every day, crying all day long. It was… depressing. Yeah, it was really sad. She talked about taking too many pills…I think she tried to kill herself.”

11. “It’s interesting, our thing, isn’t it? To be in someone’s mind, to have complete control. It’s like the thrill of being near the executioner’s switch knowing that at any moment you could throw it, but knowing you never will. But you could.”

12. “Stand further off you fat loathsome whore! You can’t have any more of this soup, slurp slurp slurp you animal, and the—I know you’ll just go pee it all away and where will you do that? Behind what bush? It’s FUCKING COLD out here and I—”

13. “Oh, nursey dear, fetch the medication, I’m starting to rave!” “Behave yourself, cherie, or nanny will have to use the wooden spoon.”

14. “The stiffening of your penis is of no consequence!”

15. “I’m saying that in the eyes of the Lord, your marriage is an abomination, and if you don’t get a divorce, you’re going to Hell.”

16. “All AIDS is bad, there is no good AIDS, but I’m telling you, like I said, this is not the gay type of AIDS.”

17. “Hot’s a storm. You ever been in a storm, Wally? I mean, a real storm? Not a thunderstorm, but a storm of fists raining down on your head. Blasting you in the face. Pummeling you in the stomach. Hitting you in the chest so hard you think your heart’s gonna stop.”

18. “A baby born addicted to pills. A baby who does not dream but who hallucinates, who stares up at us with big mirror eyes and does not know who we are.”

19. “Oh big deal. A clerk. You what, you file things? Well you better be keeping a file on the hearts you break, that’s all that counts in the end, you’ll have bills to pay in the world to come, you and your friend, the WHORE OF BABYLON. (pause) Sorry, wrong room.”

20. “I feel guilty all the time for my thoughts and urges, you know, but I’m not gonna talk to a therapist, who’s gonna make me, you know, deal with it and confront those issues. I talk to a priest, he lets me off the hook, I move on.”

21.”I chewed this pine tree down with my teeth. Like a beaver. I’m hungry, I haven’t eaten in three days. I’m gonna use it to build something. Maybe a fire.”

22. “Now . . . your true power comes not from outside sources but from the delusional stories that you all convince yourselves of. And no one – no one – can take that away from you.”

23. “Did you like that? Did you think that was good?
Tell me I’m good.
Tell me it was good.
Tell me I’m good. Tell me I’m good. Tell me that was good.
Tell me I’m good. Tell me I’m good. Tell me I’m good. Tell me I’m good tell me I’m good tell me I’m good tell me I’m good tell me I’m good—”

24. “What the fuck?
Poor me. Poor poor me. Why me? Why poor poor me?
Oh I don’t feel good right now. I really don’t.”

Answer Key:

1. Always Sunny. 2. Angels in America. 3. Angels in America. 4. Angels in America. 5. Always Sunny. 6. Angels in America. 7. Always Sunny. 8. Always Sunny. 9. Angels in America. 10. Always Sunny. 11. Always Sunny. 12. Angels in America. 13. Angels in America. 14. Angels in America. 15. Always Sunny. 16. Always Sunny. 17. Always Sunny. 18. Angels in America. 19. Angels in America. 20. Always Sunny. 21. Angels in America. 22. Always Sunny. 23. Always Sunny. 24. Angels in America.