Tell Us How You Ended Up Marrying Your Way Into A Creepy Mansion That Definitely Has A Haunted Attic And We’ll Guess Which Malevolent Spirit Is Haunting It!

The cold sick dread that wakes you in the middle of the night is not "just in your head." No matter how many times he insists to the contrary you do not bolt upright, drenched in sweat because you "just consumed too much of the 1961 Bordeaux with the duck confit tonight, darling."  The terror-filled howls echoing through … Continue reading Tell Us How You Ended Up Marrying Your Way Into A Creepy Mansion That Definitely Has A Haunted Attic And We’ll Guess Which Malevolent Spirit Is Haunting It!

Five Clickbait Articles I Never Wrote and Their Punchlines Revealed

Every clickbait article I've written and that I haven't written and that anyone has ever written has one conceit that the writer relies on for the entirety of the article. Usually, that punchline can be summed up in a few sentences. This article does exactly that. 1. Every Year the Shamrock Shake Grows Greener and I … Continue reading Five Clickbait Articles I Never Wrote and Their Punchlines Revealed

Childhood Cartoons I Only Remember In Terms of the Intensely Vivid Feelings I Associate With Them

I don't know much but I do know these cartoons don't exist beyond the deeply vivid and psychologically troubling impressions that they can evoke at the mere mention of their name. Yes ,there are the good childhood shows like The Powerpuff Girls and Scooby Doo. Then there are these ones. The ones I couldn't tell you the … Continue reading Childhood Cartoons I Only Remember In Terms of the Intensely Vivid Feelings I Associate With Them

If Harry Potter Had Been Depressed Like The Other Teens I Know Instead of the Kind of Depressed that He, Harry, Was

Having the main character deal with every single problem by staying in bed does not make for a very exciting book set in a magical world. So, I totally understand why Harry dealt with his mental illness by going out and saving bunches of people whenever he could. But the thing is, he wasn't mentally … Continue reading If Harry Potter Had Been Depressed Like The Other Teens I Know Instead of the Kind of Depressed that He, Harry, Was

Seven Pictures of Anderson Cooper That Prove He Was Once A Child and Did Not Spring Fully Formed From his CNN Desk with Hair the Colour of Stardust

Though it might seem that Anderson Cooper--professional presidential candidate-wrangler, storied journalist, and iconic gay gym icon--sprang fully formed from his CNN desk sometime in the early 90's and has lived there ever since...that is not true. Anderson Cooper was once a child, a human child. He was even a baby, once. He lived in a house, … Continue reading Seven Pictures of Anderson Cooper That Prove He Was Once A Child and Did Not Spring Fully Formed From his CNN Desk with Hair the Colour of Stardust

What if the HBO Show “The Young Pope” Were a Netflix Show Called “Robert Pope Leonard”? What then?

HBO's "The Young Pope" was such an interesting and meme-worthy show but it left you with all sorts of unanswered questions. You're asking: What if this weren't an HBO drama at all? What if it were a Netflix comedy called Robert Pope Leonard (RPL)? What if Robert Sean Leonard (RSL), the American actor best known … Continue reading What if the HBO Show “The Young Pope” Were a Netflix Show Called “Robert Pope Leonard”? What then?

He Went To Juilliard: 7 People You Might Not Know Went to Juilliard

There is an inexplicable feeling. A feeling you get when you're watching a show and a man shouts "NEWZ-FLASH ASSHOLE" with such enunciation and vocal range that a thousand Shakespearean actors weep in envy. It's the feeling that makes you think: Is it possible that this man, this odd man with the beautiful voice, this odd man … Continue reading He Went To Juilliard: 7 People You Might Not Know Went to Juilliard

Scenes From Richard Siken’s Crush I Would Like to Adapt into Solange Music Videos

I think if Solange returned my calls and heard what I had to say, she would agree that the following scenes from Richard Siken's Crush are uniquely suited to her artistic voice. In fact, we could EGOT together if she allowed me to direct her next music video based on any of the following fragments. Please … Continue reading Scenes From Richard Siken’s Crush I Would Like to Adapt into Solange Music Videos