An Alphabetically Ordered List of Every Fictional Character That Comes Up When You Google “little lion man livejournal fanmix 2010”

Once upon a time, in the year 2010 -- nearly a decade ago, fuck me -- there was a land called Livejournal. And the residents of that land loved nothing more than to collect angsty songs by white men and collate them into angsty playlists about white men. Entire communities sustained themselves on this practice, even though … Continue reading An Alphabetically Ordered List of Every Fictional Character That Comes Up When You Google “little lion man livejournal fanmix 2010”

“Sleep Well Beast” by The National, But With Derogatory Epithets Other Than “Beast”

Sleep Well Asshole Sleep Well Bastard Sleep Well Bonehead Sleep Well Bootlicker Sleep Well Bumpkin Sleep Well Butthead Sleep Well Buttlicker Sleep Well Chav Sleep Well Chump Sleep Well Clown Sleep Well Cockmaster Sleep Well Cow Sleep Well Creep Sleep Well Cretin Sleep Well Dick Sleep Well Dickbag Sleep Well Dickface Sleep Well Dickhead Sleep … Continue reading “Sleep Well Beast” by The National, But With Derogatory Epithets Other Than “Beast”

I Opened My iPhone Notes at 3 AM and All I Found Was a List of Year-Old Harry Potter-Themed Post Ideas Next to an Entry that Just Said “Salami Trucks”

It's 3 AM here. I have many things to do but decided to record a stray thought on my Notes app as though I am someone who does that. The following, lightly edited, potential Niche article titles were the only comprehensible entries I had in my notes: -Niche Quiz: If the different Niche interests were … Continue reading I Opened My iPhone Notes at 3 AM and All I Found Was a List of Year-Old Harry Potter-Themed Post Ideas Next to an Entry that Just Said “Salami Trucks”

Which House MD Characters are Lesbians? Spoiler Alert: Definitely Not Robert Fucking Chase

Are you fucking ready for some lesbians? First Up: Dr. Allison Cameron The only woman who is legally allowed to own a "one vest per episode" number of vests is named Ellen DeGeneres. Cameron is such an archetypal closeted lesbian that it's almost like the House writers traveled forward in time and challenged each other … Continue reading Which House MD Characters are Lesbians? Spoiler Alert: Definitely Not Robert Fucking Chase

My Neighbor Rented an Ice Cream Machine and I Missed it to Arrange the House MD Theme for a Quintet

A year ago a good friend of mine - you wouldn't know her, so let's call her "Golive Blambientwitch" - and I decided it would be a fabulous idea to arrange Massive Attack's "Teardrop" for five people. There was no reason for the song choice, or for the specificity in the numbers. Nothing means anything. … Continue reading My Neighbor Rented an Ice Cream Machine and I Missed it to Arrange the House MD Theme for a Quintet

The Top Ten Least Relatable Lines On Mitski’s New Album “Be The Cowboy”

1. ‘I'll be around on Sunday’ - Old Friend I have work meetings all day Sunday, actually! I have to run a unicorn camp on Monday. I guess Mitski could be doing this as well, but I feel like I would've heard about it by now, probably through a dramatically lit photoshoot. 2. ‘Walk up … Continue reading The Top Ten Least Relatable Lines On Mitski’s New Album “Be The Cowboy”

Y’all Mind If I Drink This Whole Thing of Cranberry Vodka and Watch Dead Poets Society?

As many of you know, this website was founded on an inside joke about Robert Sean Leonard. And for the year and a half that The Niche has been active, I've played along, despite having very limited exposure to Robert Sean Leonard's oeuvre. By this I mean Harry and Ashleigh invited me over one night … Continue reading Y’all Mind If I Drink This Whole Thing of Cranberry Vodka and Watch Dead Poets Society?