For all the talents Jane Fonda has mastered, Pants On The Runway is my personal favorite. She really seems to bring an unmatched degree of elegance to the red carpet pants game. I think I’m biased towards her, but that doesn’t make my subjective personal opinions any less reasonable or factual. She looks good.
Now, Jane’s looks are versatile. On the surface level, that means different looks show off different colors, styles, and accessories. Digging just a little deeper, though, the truth becomes clear: each look is reflective of a unique and intensely specific persona. This is a lot simpler than it sounds. I just mean that when you see Jane Fonda’s emerald jumpsuit, the life of a woman named Rosalind– who lives upstate and is on a first-name basis with her landscaper– flashes before your eyes.
Here’s a little peek into the lives of six real women living all over this godforsaken earth who Jane Fonda has chosen to represent through the power of fashion.
She does not make phone calls. She sends emails from mobile while holding conversations at parties, and they are all signed “Sent from my iPhone.” She gets manicures, but does her own toes, and only the three you can see in her peep toe black patent pumps. She and her cat love each other, but have come to the understanding that they’re both happiest when they’re not physically close.
She does not take her sunglasses off when she goes indoors just to spite the business executive who told her she was being rude 23 years ago. He is not noteworthy any longer. She most certainly is.
She has more hair product than she could use in three lifetimes, and she will never take any shit for it. She’s petty. Sometimes when she doesn’t want to clean any dishes, she just waterfalls Squeaky Clean Brita Filtered Water directly into her face instead of pouring a glass. She’s against chewing gum, and somehow always has altoids on her.
She’s going to her son’s wedding at a vineyard this weekend, and to be completely honest with you, his fiancée resents her for looking so good all the damn time. She’ll be there regardless, and buy them the beautiful dishware from Williams-Sonoma (of all places) with her independent wealth she accrues at a tech company.
She once bitch slapped her husband for comparing her to Reba McIntyre. She is now divorced.
She changes her earrings four times before leaving the house in the morning, but is always on time. She does not participate in yoga or run more than two miles at a time. She wears dark wash flared jeans with ankle boots during the fall. She listens to classical music recreationally.