Two Olives Invent Attic Room

by Les Olives

so you know how we– yes… attic room. two olives. it has to be incoherent. oh yeah definitely, it cant make logical sense.

OLIVE: attic room. like what is it?
OLIVIA: when a gay loves another gay very much,
OLIVE: oh ok so like twilson? and the pinky finger and the small blue? music?
OLIVIA: mhm yeah that’s it. and the painting clothes and the nice air
OLIVE: cool true. and like, after. does one of them LGM? under the stars?
OLIVIA: yeah. at LEAST one of them.
OLIVE: yeah

OLIVIA: so do they paint it?

102-bay-ave-7

attic room

the attic?
OLIVE: attic room*
OLIVIA: attic room
OLIVE: they do
OLIVIA: what color
blue?
OLIVE: close.
OLIVIA: oh the small blue. true
OLIVE: the small blue

OLIVE: so do you think
they would maybe
kiss? in the attic room?
OLIVIA: oh yeah
oh they kiss in the attic room
it’s like their thing
OLIVE: what about LGR
isn’t that their thing
OLIVIA: both
OLIVE: nice nice

102-bay-ave-29

it’s little. it’s green.

OLIVIA: when you say LGR,
OLIVE: it’s little. it’s green.
OLIVIA: yeah.
for sidebars.
OLIVE: tie crookeding.
OLIVIA: They
OLIVE: They.
OLIVIA: and is it a sink?
like by the window?
OLIVE: oh no
that’s a window seat
OLIVIA: omg right right
obviously
OLIVE: we control everything

OLIVE: so it’s an attic?
OLIVIA: yeah
but like
it’s a room, you know?
OLIVE: yeah.
it’s both.
OLIVIA: good
OLIVE: Good

it

tender. a comfy love.

 

OLIVIA: what does their dog look like?
is it like
an old dog?
OLIVE: yeah you know
ralph, that kind of thing
OLIVIA: rescute dog
OLIVE: he old

OLIVIA: what does attic room feel like?
OLIVE: tender
a comfy love
that’s pretty much it

the thing is, we are just two olives, and this is how we talk. all credit, respect, and love to the illustrious Mallory Ortberg, and her two monks who invented talking like two monks.

GLOSSARY – for those who don’t speak olive
Twilson- twink wilson
LGR- little green room. it’s little and it’s green
LGM- it means let’s get married.
rescute- nice little portmanteau of “rescue” and “cute.” applicable to dogs.
small blue- it’s a shade of blue. like regular blue but smaller
tie crookeding- when he crookeds the tie, and makes it crooked

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