Wouldn't It Be Bad Wouldn't It Be Big Wouldn't It Be Brave Wouldn't It Be Chill Wouldn't It Be Choice Wouldn't It Be Clutch Wouldn't It Be Cool Wouldn't It Be Dark Wouldn't It Be Drab Wouldn't It Be Dope Wouldn't It Be Droll Wouldn't It Be Dumb Wouldn't It Be Fresh Wouldn't It Be … Continue reading “Wouldn’t It Be Nice” by The Beach Boys, but With Single-Syllable Adjectives Other Than “Nice”
While I don't pretend to be an expert on bottom culture, Ohio rock band The National's Matt Berninger certainly is. Encompassing lyrics from, "we'll be their pets, we'll wear their collars" to "I was born to beg for you," here's a comprehensive ranking of The National's current musical offerings, from least-bottomy to most. 8. The … Continue reading Every “The National” Album, Ranked by How Much Matt Berninger Sounds Like a Bottom In It
Because this is a serious website, and because I am a serious music journalist, here is an annotated list of the Springsteen cuts that most make me want to ****** ***** * ***'* ***** *** ** *** **** and **** *** ** *** *** ** *** ***** ****** ****** ****. Props to coolschmool for that … Continue reading The Top Ten Horniest Bruce Springsteen Songs
Hello Niche Readers! We, and by we I mean I, Seph, would like to take a break from our usual programming to inform you that until April 30th you can watch the BBC broadcast of the recent Almeida Theatre production of Hamlet, directed by Robert Icke and starring Andrew Scott. It's good. You should watch … Continue reading Please Watch the Andrew Scott Hamlet Before the BBC Takes It Off Their Website
When April with his showers sweet with fruit The drought of March has pierced unto the root And bathed each vein with liquor that has power To generate therein and sire the flower; When Zephyr also has, with his sweet breath, Quickened again, in every holt and heath, The tender shoots and buds, and the … Continue reading Best- and Worst-Dressed: Ellesmere Chaucer Edition
MARK ZUCKERBERG: Chairman Walden, Ranking Member Pallone, and Members of the Committee. We face a number of important issues around privacy, safety, and democracy, and you will rightfully have some hard questions for me to answer. I realize the issues we’re talking about today aren’t just issues for Facebook and our community — they’re challenges for … Continue reading Mark Zuckerberg Testifies Before Congress: A Niche Transcript
So I think it may help us some to start off by defining what, precisely, constitutes a Depression Meal. To that end, the Depression Meal Tumblr offers us some suggestions: Half a granola bar your friend forced you to eat and some salt Nachos with kraft dinner on them A waffle that had been sitting … Continue reading Step Up Your Depression Meal Game with Marcella Hazan Tomato Sauce
16. Cooler Than Me https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KtZf3-OmGVA The opening notes of this song are capable of instantly tipping me into a sort of conscious fever dream where I’m being pursued by hoards of Ikimaru Davekat drawings with a thirst for blood. 15. Nilili Mambo https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5L_gOBfGl2A I’m going to be totally real: you will never hear Nilili Mambo … Continue reading Sixteen Songs That Will Trigger Your Fight Or Flight Response When You Hear Them In Public, Provided You’ve Read Homestuck
Last night, months after the rest of you gays, I finally watched Phantom Thread and let me tell you it had everything I was promised; painful levels of repression, sub-textual pegging realized via poison, Daniel Day-Lewis's sexy fucked up thumbs, Vicky Krieps being iconic in every single shot. I'm in love. It was also definitely … Continue reading Phantom Thread (2017 dir. Paul Thomas Anderson) is a Rom-Com: A Scientific Proof
First off: if you haven't watched the video already, I'll ask you to join the 5.12 million who have done so before you read any further. https://twitter.com/tourdetruce/status/923543590650990594 So I saw Lorde last night, playing a sold-out show for 20,000 people. I had nosebleeds -- or, rather, one singular nosebleed, adjacent to a very sweet, soft-spoken … Continue reading Ode to Emmy Hartman, The Girl Who Filmed Her Own Emotional Breakdown Over A Traffic Ticket
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