16. Cooler Than Me
The opening notes of this song are capable of instantly tipping me into a sort of conscious fever dream where I’m being pursued by hoards of Ikimaru Davekat drawings with a thirst for blood.
15. Nilili Mambo
I’m going to be totally real: you will never hear Nilili Mambo in public (if you do it will happen once and only once and it will feel like getting socked in the jaw), but it felt absolutely treasonous to leave it off this list. I don’t even know when Mambostuck was first posted. It feels as though it’s just always existed and always been a beacon of Homestuck cultural relevance. No matter when you got into Homestuck, how long you were into it, how casually you liked it, which characters were your favorite, etc, etc, you have seen Mambostuck at least twice.
14. Volatile Times
Volatile Times is one of those lyricstucks that comes up as the second result if you search just the song name on YouTube. This lyricstuck is sort of like the movie Avatar; I don’t remember the first time I saw it, what my reaction was, or really anything about it, and yet anytime I hear the word “adieu” I think about Gamzee (which is part of why I had to drop French).
13. Exile Vilify
I live in fear that one day this song will be part of the soundtrack of something I’m watching and I’ll be violently catapulted back in time to eighth grade me lying on the floor of my room with my best friend quietly crying over this lyricstuck.
12. Sexy Can I
I’ve been sitting here for close to half an hour trying to figure out what I can say about Sexy Kan I that won’t make me sound like a biased lesbian and there isn’t anything. I am a lesbian and I can do whatever I want.
I’ll talk shit about Imagine Dragons until the day I die but it’s just one of the laws of nature that if paperseverywhere touches a song it becomes instantly iconic and, dare I say it, good. I’m gonna be, like, fifty with three kids and this song will come on in the Jewel Osco while I’m comparing two different flavors of crackers and I’ll turn to the nearest employee and start sobbing about how “their time really did come….. they waited for it……. they waited for it………”
Speaking of paperseverywhere, and speaking of crying in grocery stores! Just about two weeks ago this song came on while I was over-caffeinated in an empty Kroger in Dallas at 11:30pm and I cried.
9. Turn Me On
The image of Equius just absolutely breaking it down on the dance floor will never leave me.
8. Life’s A Happy Song
One of the most earth-shaking revelations of my early adolescence was that all 20 characters in this song are sung by the same person. I also still don’t know where the original version of this song comes from?
7. Nothing Left To Say
A pox on paperseverywhere for making me sort of enjoy yet another Imagine Dragons song. This video got me in my feelings about Vrisrezi before my third eye was open enough to earnestly love Vrisrezi (back when I was fourteen and telling anyone who would listen how much I hated Vriska while simultaneously setting my laptop password as VriskaSerket which, like, we get it, Nell, you’re a dyke).
6. Blue Lips
Genuine, earnest question: Who the fuck cares about Equius? Equius is the sardines of Homestuck. Largely inoffensive, but I’ve peacefully completely forgotten his existence many times before. And yet somehow this lyricstuck has 3.7 MILLION views (that’s more than the original “You Can’t Fight The Homestuck” video) and can elicit a panic response from the average fan with just its thumbnail.
5. How Do I Live
OH, YOU KNOW.
4. Just Lose It
The Homestuck fandom in its prime produced a lot of fairly funny but largely absolutely bonkers content and although most of it enjoyed the short, bright success typical of fandom posts, some posts (like the panty raid comic—I can’t help but feel like one day someone will say something a little too close to a line from this comic and my eyes will roll back in my head exorcist-style and with a voice that isn’t mine I’ll say SHE NAMED THEM BELGARATH) proved to be demonic, unkillable monsters. [S] John: Just Lose It is one of those beasts.
3. How Far We’ve Come
No one in the world ever wanted to get to the point in their life where a Matchbox Twenty song makes them cry but HERE WE ALL ARE.
2. We Didn’t Start The Fire
INT. KARAOKE BAR – NIGHT
[I am standing onstage. The opening chords to Billy Joel’s “We Didn’t Start The Fire” begin to play. I clear my throat and open my mouth.]
[Club security forcibly removes me from the stage.]
Karkalicious is a song that possesses incredibly powerful energies—once, at prom, the intro started playing over the speakers and my friend Jade turned to me with a look that was equal parts wonder and abject terror and yelled “SOMEONE REQUESTED KARKALICIOUS” because somehow, through its sheer power and influence, she had been led to believe that it was an original song. I also nearly got myself and a few friends killed over this song; we were yelling along to songs in the car and Fergalicious came on and without thinking I sang “four, three, two, fuck you” and then shrieked in horror so loud the driver nearly drove off the road.