We all know the story: from the shy little mouse adopted into a home with two loving dads, to the Instagram sensation he is today. Stuart Wilson-House Little has been called a tastemaker, a taste-breaker, and a cultural icon. And he turned down an interview with an unnamed fashion icon (who either is or is not Anna Wintour) to interview with us.
The Niche: Thank you, Stuart, for taking the time to talk with us. We’re all so excited.
Stuart Little: Sure, whatever.
The Niche: So let’s get right into it. We’ve gotten our hands on five little known facts about you, and we’d like your commentary.
Stuart Little: Was that a pun on my name?
The Niche: Sorry, no. I didn’t mean-
Stuart Little: No it’s fine. I just want to know whether it’s my name or my height that you find so funny.
The Niche: I promise, it was an oversight. An intern wrote these cards, I’ll be talking to her. Our apologies. Can we get back to the task at hand?
Stuart Little: (A long pause). Yes.
1. The Ice Bucket Challenge Almost Killed Him
Stuart is no stranger to philanthropy. When he heard there was an ice bucket challenge going around to raise money for some sort of charity, he knew he had to get those views. So he visited his dads at the Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital and enlisted their help.
SL: “I don’t think they actually even work there. Every time I come in they’re just like, in each others offices speaking desperate truths through metaphors. So I totally interrupted them to do my thing.”
They got a bucket full of ice and grabbed a few of their employees as an audience. Unfortunately, while Stuart might be larger than life, his size posed a problem.
SL: “It was no big deal. Basically an ice cube knocked me out, and the water washed me away into a leaf pile. They totally freaked out and overreacted. I was maybe missing for like 45 minutes.”
Now that’s a commitment to charity.
2. He’s a YouTuber
While Instagram is his lover, YouTube may just be his mistress. He and one of his dads – known online simply as “Greg” – have a modest following on YouTube, and a few viral videos in their pocket.
SL: “It started when my other dad worked longer shifts and we were stuck at home together. I got adopted by my other dad first, and then those two got married. So we didn’t really know each other. I thought he was a total tool.”
Their first ever hit came in the form of the well known video “Mouse Won’t Stop Yelling Fuck,” which stars a much younger and fresher-faced Stuart, and is exactly what it says on the tin. Within a week it had over four million views.
SL: “That was the first time we ever got along. I cussed him out cause I thought it’d make him mad but instead he just laughed and told me to do it again. It was baller.”
Unfortunately, their infrequent but much-loved uploads may have run their course, after a video known simply as “When Wilson Isn’t Home” – starring Greg on the piano and Stuart punching a cooking pot – ended up being discovered by Wilson, the other dad.
SL: “He’s being totally uncool about it. He said it’s not a good image for my college applications. He just doesn’t get it.”
3. He’s Working On His Memoirs
He may only be a teenager in mouse years, but Stuart’s already had plenty of life experience. After a recent harrowing ordeal – in which he got lost in a light dusting of snow while walking to the store for some eggs, and had to live in a self made igloo for a short while – he’s ready to dole out life advice and messages of hope to the world at large. The autobiography is in its early stages, and hasn’t even reached an editor yet, but The Niche’s own Olivia was able to get her hands on a copy. An excerpt:
“Nobody I know is baller enough to survive a day in the wild. Expecially not in the winter. However. I have just undergone a grueling experience with the outdoors and came out a hero. So heres what happened.
I was on my way to the store to get some delicious Betty Crocker Delights Supreme Fudge Brownie Mix (#notspon) when something went terribly wrong. It started snowing. It’s barely even winter! Give me a break! ….. It must have been at least a quarter inch deep. I had to carry my board over my head like a handsome film noir detective using his newspaper to protect his boujee hat from the rain. But then things got worse….. It was like walking in quicksand, so I kinda tripped over my own feet. I thought I heard my ankle snap but it might have been a small twig in the distance. Anyway at this point I had to use my scarf (Come prepared! I would have learned this in scouts but they discriminate against mice apparently. My dads are working on it and I think it might go to the Supreme Court) to splint my broken leg.
But ohhhh sh*t, the snow kept coming. I was about to get buried, so I used my national geographic knowledge to build a cave out of snow and live in it. Its always lame when my dad makes me watch nature shows with him but I guess it pays off. I was in there for hours and hours with no food and nothing to drink so I melted some snow by breathing on it and drank that. Hydrate or die-drate, guys. It was so cold my ears were gonna freeze off, and if it wasn’t for what happened next, I think they might have.
I heard my dads yelling, but I was too cold to answer… “Where IS he?” “STUART” they were just like yelling at each other and probably exchanging their traditional worried looks. Ugh. Dads. But then Dad saw me and pulled me out of my snow cave, and other Dad was like “oh thank god!!! He’s ok!!!” and he took off his glove and put me inside of it and carried me in the house. I think I might have been in my driveway the whole time because the walk wasn’t that long….Stay safe out there!”
Unfortunately, while what we’ve seen so far has been riveting, the memoirs have been put on hold after a similar experience only a few months later.
SL: “Basically I borrowed my dad’s car to go to the store, cause I don’t want to die in the snow again, duh. And I crashed it, and now my dads are all pissy at me and took away my vintage typewriter. They’re totally freaking out and overreacting. I was maybe in a coma for like 45 hours.”
4. His Boyfriend Stepped on Him at Prom
Despite his international celebrity, Stuart really is a teen just like anyone else. He’s a substitute cheerleader, caption of the Anti-Chess Club, and he recently attended prom with his boyfriend. They met in band (where Stuart plays the tuba – bonus fact) and fell in love when they both rolled their eyes at their conductor and ended up looking at each other. Unfortunately, Stuart – a Mouse Rights Activist – refused to be held in his boyfriend’s palm when they slow danced, and as a result he ended up being stepped on.
SL: “It’s embarrassing. I don’t want to talk about it. Shut up.”
5. He Accidentally Joined a Friend Group of Russian Hackers
We here at The Niche are no strangers to internet friendship. However, Stuart found himself a little over his head a few months ago when he realized the friends he’d been talking to online and blogging about Riverdale with were in fact Russian hackers, employed by their government to influence the American voting base.
SL: “It was so whack. One day in the group chat we’re all talking about Cole Sprouse, and the next day they’re sharing secret codes. I think they thought I was a hacker too or something? I’m just a teenage mouse. And then I [redacted] and [redacted] but they were totally like [redacted] and what the fuck was I supposed to do about that! I don’t have that kind of money. So I deleted WhatsApp.”
That’s Stuart for you, always finding himself in a new adventure.
For the few who haven’t yet, you can follow Stuart on Instagram @StuartLittlest
2 thoughts on “A Niche Interview With Stuart Little: 5 Facts You Didn’t Know From His Instagram”
this is the funniest thing i’ve ever read i can’t breathe-