7 Interests Which Prove I’m Cis, Actually

We talk a lot about dysphoria around here. It’s just what happens when you get this many transmascs in a room together—it’s either this or forming a theatre troupe. But like an ill-fitting H&M men’s section button-down, masculinity can chafe. And sometimes, you question your gender so hard you circle all the way back around again. So, in no particular order, here are 7 things which make me think “womanhood…it’s certainly an option!” 

***

Lady Bird

When I first saw Lady Bird I cried so hard I soaked my bra. Afterward, I stood in the movie theater lobby and texted my mom to apologize for my entire adolescence.  This alone disqualifies me from accessing testosterone in several states. 

 

Hero_Landscape_ladybird.jpeg

Moooooooooooooommmm

 

Jenny Slate’s Instagram

When I’m not sharing old vacation pics to give the impression of being a more active and interesting person, I’m Instagram stalking Jenny Slate and pretending to have her life. Yes, I’m a wealthy and successful comedienne driving through my Massachusetts hometown, the hot summer breeze ruffling my voluminous curls. Yes, my ex, Chris Evans, (maybe you’ve heard of him—he rolls great joints) still pines for me every day. Yes, I do look sublime in this custom-made dress, thank you for noticing. 

Bruce Springsteen’s Thunder Road 

Maybe it’s because my first relationship began ten years ago this fall and I’m wistful for a time when all I wanted was a boy with a car to drive me to Walmart at 3am—or maybe I’m just more into light negging than previously assumed. Either way, this song always makes me want to pick up, move to Jersey, and begin again as a woman named Mary.

 

Palazzo Pants

Wearing palazzo pants feels like being body-swapped with a thirty-something mother of three who’s desperately trying to make it through morning daycare drop-off while her Midol kicks in. But they’re £10 at Primark, so I’m leaning into it. 

True Crime

I can’t claim to be into true crime the way some women are into true crime. But who among us hasn’t gone on a Murderpedia deep dive at 1am? And who hasn’t then gone around the house checking and re-checking every lock, utterly convinced that death stalks ever nearer? That’s womanhood, babey!

murder

Ask me about my Ted Bundy nightmares!

Mara Wilson’s Twitter 

She’s a bisexual feminist! She’s a former Toastie! She stans Chris Fleming! I’ve been over-identifying with Mara Wilson since the 90s, and I’m not about to stop now. Maybe I should get bangs again?

bangs

Matilda wishes she could rock this sweater.

Reductress

throwup

I just feel very seen.

 

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