Which Mad Men Characters Would Be Into Pegging? Spoiler Alert: Probably Not Pete

Full disclosure: I only just finished the first season, so I’m just ranking the main characters at that point in the series. It’s entirely possible that I’m missing later context which would better inform my understanding of these characters’ potential predilection for pegging.

BETTY DRAPER: DEFINITELY NOT INTO IT

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“So, Betty,” says a heavily pregnant Francine, knocking back her eighth glass of wine of the morning. “You know Helen Bishop, that divorced harlot who lives down the street, strolling about the neighbourhood with her ankles on display, like some strumpet? I heard through the grapevine that she used to strap it on for her husband.”

“Why, Francine,” says Betty, in a voice as soft and downy as the inner ear of a newborn lamb, “I haven’t the faintest idea what you mean.”

“What I mean, Betty,” Francine says, pregnantly, pausing briefly to take sequential puffs of the three cigarettes she is holding between the knuckles of her left hand, “is that she used to fuck her husband in the ass.”

“Oh, good gracious,” says Betty. “Oh, heavens. Francine, I… I think you ought to leave.”

Francine leaves. Betty stares at a bare wall and lights a cigarette with trembling hands. She looks straight ahead, trying desperately to compose herself. Her face crumples. She weeps.

PEGGY OLSON: LIKE, DUH

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The sky is blue, water is wet, and Margaret “Peggy” Olson is into pegging. It took her a while to get here, of course. The shy, demure Peggy of Season 1 would never have pegged; indeed, the very thought would have scandalized her. But with time, her confidence grew, and she no longer had anything to fear. In fact, she’s on her way to go peg someone right now. That box contains a pencil cup, a flower pot, and the entire Bad Dragon Fall/Winter 1967 collection.

DON DRAPER: YES, MA’AM

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This show doesn’t really have sex scenes — like, there’s no nudity, and we rarely actually see people going at it. We see the beginnings of encounters, and the aftermath, but we don’t actually, like, get to watch. This isn’t anything so tawdry as Game of Thrones, for Christ’s sake. This is a classy establishment. So if I say, “Don Draper is a pegging fiend and the reason he steps out on his marriage so often is that Betty refuses to peg him,” you literally cannot disprove that. This theory is wholly consistent with his choice of mistresses thus far: a free-spirited Greenwich Village beatnik and a hard femme Fifth Avenue tycoon. Midge and Rachel absolutely both peg; Don is absolutely into it. It’s the subtext of the entire series.

JOAN HOLLOWAY: OBVIOUSLY

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Joan invented pegging. According to Wikipedia, her full name is “Joan P. Holloway,” and you know exactly what that middle initial stands for.

PETE CAMPBELL: A THING LIKE THAT!

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You know those scenes where all the guys will hang out in Pete’s office talking about some cool thing, and Pete will be like, “I don’t think that thing sounds very cool at all,” and the guys will be like, “Yes, it is,” and Pete will be like, “No, it isn’t,” and this will continue until Pete gets, like, inexplicably, homicidally angry and punches someone? They had that conversation about pegging once. Only once. Harry Crane walked out of it with a broken nose. Trudy thinks it might be fun, but Trudy is an idiot. Real men don’t peg. Don Draper would never peg. So neither, then, will Pete.

ROGER STERLING: WILL DENY IT, BUT LIKE, YEAH

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“So, Roger,” Don says to him one day, “I heard through the grapevine that you’re into pegging.”

“You’re quite mistaken, Don,” says Roger. “Frankly, I don’t even know what that is.”

Just as he says it, Joan strolls past, giving him a withering glare. Roger goes slack-jawed for a moment, calling up the memory of last night, of…

“Well, Roger, it’s when…”

Roger blinks, returns to reality. “Shut up, Don,” he says, and he pops an unlit cigarette into his mouth and chomps on it like a Dorito.

One thought on “Which Mad Men Characters Would Be Into Pegging? Spoiler Alert: Probably Not Pete

  1. Noriarty says:

    Have you seen the episode of Billy on the Street where Billy Eichner asks people if they would want to have a threesome with him and Jon Hamm, and at some point they find a guy who’s into it and they start arguing about who would be on top and Billy tells Jon “we know you’re a bottom, I’ve spoken to January Jones”, and then the third guys says “i literally just did a monologue from Mad Men as Pete Campbell and he’s a power top”

    Like

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